Posted by LIFE on July 13, 2006, at 19:09:39
In reply to Re: mirtazapine/remeron updates?, posted by anahata31 on April 14, 2006, at 10:44:36
NATHALIE SEEMS TO BE SUFFERING FROM THE SAME PROBLEMS I HAVE BEEN HAVING FOR YEARS. EATING HAS ALWAYS BEEN A STRUGGLE FOR ME AS HAS SLEEPING. I AM A THREE DAY MARATHONER, AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE AN APPETITE FOR THOSE THREE DAYS EITHER. I HATE MEDS, BUT REMERON AND WELLBUTRIN HAVE SAVED MY LIFE. I BELIEVE IN HOLISTIC MEDICINE AND NATURAL FOODS, BUT ST. JOHNS WORT ONLY SEEMS TO HELP MY MENOPAUSAL SYMPTOMS. OH, LET ME CLARIFY, I DON'T RUN FOR THREE DAYS...I DON'T SLEEP FOR THREE DAYS! I AM 48 YEARS OLD AND HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO OVERCOME BOUTS OF SERIOUS DEPRESSION. IT DOES NOT HELP THAT I AM AN ARTIST. I OFTEN LIE DOWN AND MY MIND WILL NOT SHUT OFF. WHEN A PROBLEM ARISES I CANNOT REST UNTIL A SOLUTION IS FOUND. PSYCHOTHERAPY HAS HELPED BECAUSE I CAN TALK IT OUT, BUT EVEN THAT HAS NO EFFECT WHEN MY BODY'S CHEMICALS ARE OFF. THERE ARE ONLY THREE OPTIONS AVAILABLE TO ME WHEN THIS HAPPENS. INSOMNIA. NARCOLEPSY. HOPELESSNESS. ONCE THE SADNESS SETS IN , IT IS OVER. I OFTEN HAVE PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS. I FALL DOWN STAIRS AND BUMP INTO THINGS. MY HANDWRITING CHANGES AND MY FINE MOTOR SKILLS BECOME ERRATIC. WHEN I WAS EMPLOYED (I AM SELF EMPLOYED NOW FOR THE OBVIOUS REASONS) I WOULD OFTEN MISS A BLOCK OF FOUR DAYS TO SLEEP OFF MY EPISODES. NEEDLESS TO SAY WHEN I WAS FUNCTIONAL AGAIN GUILT WOULD OVERWHELM ME BECAUSE I FELT I HAD ACCCOMPLISHED NOTHING. MY FAMILY HAD A HARD TIME UNDERSTANDING MY ILLNESS BECAUSE I HAVE A GRADUATE DEGREE AND THEY ASSUMED I HAD SIMPLY BECOME LAZY. WHEN MY EPISODES COME THEY ARE LIKE THIS: WHEN ALL IS RIGHT, MY HEAD IS LIKE A GLASS JAR FILLED WITH A MILLION STRIPS OF PAPER ON WHICH ARE WRITTEN TASKS, INFORMATION, IDEAS, EMOTIONS, PHYSICAL COMMANDS; ON A BAD DAY, IT IS AS IF SOMEONE HAS PLACED A FAN TO MY EAR ON HIGH SPEED AND ALL THOSE PIECES OF PAPER ARE FLYING AROUND IN MY HEAD AND I CANNOT GRASP A ONE AND HOLD ON TO IT. IN A COMPLETE EFFORT TO "GATHER MY THOUGHTS" I BECOME COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED, NARCOLEPTIC, OBSESSIVE, AND ANXIOUS. SOMETIMES THE SADNESS IS SO OVERWHELMING I WONDER IF LIFE IS WORTH THE EFFORT. SUICIDE IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME. I HAVE TOO MUCH TO LIVE FOR, AND I PREFER FEELING AS IF I DO. I'VE TRIED EVERYTHING TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION AND REMERON GAVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO SLOW MY THOUGHTS AND GET A GOOD NIGHTS REST. AFTER ENROLLING IN SCHOOL, I FOUND MY HEAD ONCE AGAIN JUMBLED AND ASKED FOR ADDITIONAL HELP SO I WOULD NOT FLUNK OUT, PERFECTIONISM IS A PART OF MY OBSESSIVE PATTERN, AND WELLBUTRIN WAS ADDED TO MY MEDS. I BELIEVE IN PRAYER, BUT GOD CAN'T HELP YOU IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO GATHER YOUR THOUGHTS ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND HIS INSTRUCTION. IN FACT IT WAS PRAYER THAT LEAD ME TO THE HELP I NEEDED. BELIEVE ME, I HAVE CRIED MY WAY THROUGH EPISODES, SLEPT MY WAY THROUGH EPISODES, SELF-MEDICATED MY WAY THROUGH EPISODES, EXERCISED MY WAY THROUGH EPISODES , I PREFER MY MEDS. ONE DAY, I TOO HOPE I WILL NOT NEED THEM, BUT IN THE MEANTIME I HAVE TO FUNCTION ENOUGH TO LIVE AND EARN AN INCOME. I DO NOT HAVE THE LUXURY OF JIM CARREY'S INCOME SO THAT I MIGHT BUILD A MEDITATIVE SANCTUARY, OR TAKE OFF WHEN MY BODY IS OUT OF BALANCE. I AM AN AVERAGE PERSON WITH A BELOW AVERAGE INCOME THAT I MIGHT NOT HAVE IF NOT FOR MY MEDS. GOOD LUCK TO ALL MY FELLOW SUFFERERS. TO THOSE OF YOU WHO CANNOT TOLERATE MEDS, TALK TO SOMEONE, IT DOES HELP. TO ALL OF YOU WHO BELIEVE YOU CAN WILL YOURSELVES OUT OF A DEPRESSIVE PHYSICAL OR MENTAL STATE, GET REAL. SOMETIMES THE MEDS ARE ONLY IN YOUR LIFE LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO GET A HANDLE ON YOUR THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS, ACCEPT THAT AND CONTINUE TO SEARCH FOR ALRTERNATIVE TREATMENTS, AS I HAVE AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO. IN THE MEANTIME, I AM HAPPY NOT TO FEEL AS IF I AM JUMPING OUT OF MY SKIN AND TO HAVE DREAMS AGAIN. MOSTLY I AM HAPPY TO BE FUNCTIONAL AGAIN. I AM NOT WITHOUT SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION, BUT THEY ARE LESS DEBILITATING.I TAKE 45 MILIGRAMS OF REMERON NIGHTLY AND IF I MISS A DOSE THE ONLY WITHDRAWAL SYMTOMS I SUFFER ARE INSOMNIA AND LOSS OF APPETITE. I TAKE 105 MILIGRAMS OF WELLBUTRIN DAILY AND IF I MISS A DOSE MY SYMTOMS ARE AGITATION AND IRRITABILITY. IT'S BEEN NICE TALKING ABOUT THIS TO YOU ALL, NOW IVE GOT TO GET BACK TO MY NUMEROUS ART AND DESIGN PROJECTS! TALK TO YOU AGAIN SOON! LIFE
poster:LIFE
thread:613132
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/wdrawl/20060627/msgs/666853.html