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i 'preciate that.... » ClearSkies

Posted by inja on April 14, 2006, at 5:36:35

In reply to There's no need to be sorry! » inja, posted by ClearSkies on April 13, 2006, at 20:03:22

once again, thank you for making me feel welcome, and as well, to assure me that i had not made a horrible gaff or indescretion.

CS, it's funny (not ha-ha funny) that you mention Xanax. Xanax was my personal choice of drug to use and abuse. without going into the nitty gritty as to who what why where and when, suffice it to say that i got hooked on it after my mum died. we were quite close, and though her quality of life was not what it used to be (she was 52 when she died), she was FAR from death's door.

my father, my main family predator(s), (he knocked me up at age 14, and we went to Miami for an illegal abortion. after that, he left me alone. mum never knew). what i mean to say is that in an alcoholic black out (his - altho he did say he remembered telling me and "oh god, did you call the cops?")he admitted to smothering my mom with a pillow. said it was the "kindest thing he could do for her".

they were separated at the time, and i was working 2 full time jobs, raising 2 children 18 months apart, and taking care of my mom. well, obviously i failed miserabaly in THAT department because i had taken the children to the beach that day, and when i came home it was "mummy's gone; she collapsed. i did everything i could". yada-yada.

back to the Xanax.... that was the drug i started taking after mum died, and didn't stop for a very long tine. when i worked at the psych's office, i got busted for writing a fake scrip. i was buying it from 4 different pharmacists in four different counties(this was long before the pharmacies all got hooked up together to keep track of folks like i was). i made a mistake on the scrip, they called the dr. i ran home, and sat on my front porch waiting for the DEA to show up.

well, God love 'em... they did show. and once they got a look at me, they realized i wasn't selling. i was using. a LOT. up to (i know, its hard to believe, but trust me when i say you get acclimated very quick and need more and more just to "maintain", not to get high) 750 milligrams a WEEK. i was 5'10, and weighed 112. i looked like a concentration camp survivor. that is when my former T talked to me about AA and/or NA. and that's when i stopped using and abusing drugs and alcohol.

so... again, i say a big thanks to you for your kindness in stating that i did wrong. i am amazed at the feeling of comradeship here on psycho-babble.

i know my post is long, and i am sorry to run on like this.... but it just feels so good to "get it out", you know?


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Psycho-Babble Substance Use | Framed

poster:inja thread:632599
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20060205/msgs/632951.html