Posted by inja on April 13, 2006, at 11:15:58
i am new to psycho babble, but am finding my way around and folks have been real nice and supportive. i totally appreciate this!
i know, my subject line was stupid, but i just didn't have a clue as to what to put there. beware this is a long post, though.
anyway, i am almost 50, spent most of my adult life with an abuser of many varieties. i drank like a freakin' fish just to cope. finally, after i got busted for forging a scrip (i worked in a psychiatrists office - talk about temptation in a candy store!), my therapist (then, not now-she has since passed) suggested AA. (a really GOOD 12 step program for those who want it).
ok. so i went. and you know what? i never looked back. for thirteen years i stayed sober. i wasn't "clean" as i had a severe accident that required back surgery which left me with Chronic Pain due to "Failed Back Surgery", and i had to take serious medication (oxy-contin, morphine sulfate, methadone-jeepers, a lot of stuff). I also suffer from Chronic Fatique Syndrome as well as Ankylosing spondylitis, and RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy) the hard thing is that they are “invisible” disabilities (to the eye).
anyway, my husband told me that I HAD TO GO, because i was "easier to handle when i drank".
so, ok. i'm outta there. i had 2 nervous breakdowns requiring hospitalization, and a 3rd mini breakdown where i went to a safe house (safe from me). i had to retire from my state job as disabled due to physical and mental problems. thus i am retired, and receive a small check every month (not SSI or SSDI, just from my employer).
2 years after my husband threw me out, i went on a date. i was asked if i'd like a glass of wine, and i said "sure". after that, i didn't have another drink until maybe 8 months later. i didn't desire it, nor crave a drink. i just went about life, so to speak.
i now have a glass of wine maybe 2x a week (MAX), just to be social. its not every week though. AND i never take meds if i had anything to drink.
i truly believe that i was an alcoholic when living with my 2nd husband (the one who threw me out. the first one I THREW OUT as i found out he was sexually abusing our 2 children).
i am now truly blessed as i have found the love of my life, and we were married last August. like i said, i do have a glass of wine on occasions, and when in a group i might even have a mixed drink. but i can honestly say, i am not an alcoholic anymore.
thing is though, while in AA, their attitude (and who knows, maybe they're right) is once an alkie, always an alkie. i don't drink alcoholically today, but who knows, i may in time.
this is the thing. i prefer herb to alcohol AND the narcotics. due to the chronic back pain (and believe me when i tell you, i have just about had or gone thru every back rehab program their is - even prolotherapy, cortocoid injections, behavior modification, acupunture...ad infinitum) i take a LOT of narcotics. but even with a lot of fiber, it "bungs" me up. so, i prefer herb. i am much like a human barometer. when the weather changes (cold, wind, etc. or just a quick drop or rise in the barometric pressure)my pain doubles.
it helps me tremendously with pain, attitude, etc. i can "join the world" not in a state of narcotic stupor. please bear in mind that when i say i prefer the herb, i do not over indulge. i only take enough to take the edge off. a small amount last me for months. i am fortunate too as my husband (heading into 60) is totally supportive and very understanding. again, i am truly blessed.
i realize that perhaps its dangerous to make this post. but if i am to join you here, i need to be honest and straightforward as best as i can. the sad thing for me is, i cannot be this honest with my therapist and my physician. it'd be ALL over for me, if they knew. they'd slap my a** in rehab.
my state has passed a medicinal herb law, but it's still considered illegal. the way the law was written is really weird.
so. here i am. i am new, and this is part of my story. hope i didn't pi** anyone off. i just wanted to introduce myself to this thread.
hope everyone has pain free day...
poster:inja
thread:632599
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20060205/msgs/632599.html