Posted by Impermanence on January 4, 2005, at 18:20:51
In reply to Anybody here been to a rehab they liked?, posted by yellowbrickroad on December 29, 2004, at 19:38:25
My first detox was about four years ago in a private psychiatric hospital, I went for chemical abuse, alcoholism and I had attempted suicide a week before. The facility was very expensive, had 1000 patients and 3000 staff, it was like a posh hotel but just to easy going, but my biggest problem was because of my chemical addictions my psychiatrist wanted me to go cold turkey. As a resut and because I was paying big money to be there I was aloud to do what I choose and did spent most of the month in my posh room listining to music, trying to meditate and reading. The place was so easy going, it was more like a retreat. Yes the group therapy and everything else that goes on in treatment centers was at your avail but I was just to anxious and afraid to leave my room. Don't get me wrong this place does wonders for people who spend the day joning in the activities but without the medication I should have got it was a waste of thousands. Beautiful place all the same.
My second detox was around march 04, this was a different ballgame. I was drinking bottles of spirits every day for a few weeks and was found in my bathtub with my arms and neck sliced and a sea of blood all over me. I don't really remember doing it, as it was just a few weeks before I had takin an overdose. I was forced into a public psychiatric hospital where (believe me) they are not so easy going. I was forced of Zispin and bromazepam (lexotan) which I was on for a year and a half (cold turkey) and they put me on Zyprexa (antipsychotic) and lots of diazepan and sleepers for the most horrific withdrawals I've ever had (I woulden't wish what I went through for the first week on my worst enemy). I was "locked" in with some of the loviest but very druged up people for two weeks. And I was only let go on the condition I would enter a private alcohol treatment center. About four weeks after I left I was takin off the Zyprexa because clearly I was not bipolar and just a hopeless scared, hurt, depressed, alcoholic turning a blind eye to the underlinine issues from childhood to everything. I was put on Lexapro (antidepressants) and Xanax and got counseling for a few weeks, this helped and and I stayed off alcohol..... For a while!!
During my time in the third treatment center (now this was a proper treatment center) I was not aloud any benzos, not even the odd painkiller, very strict but all about "feeling". All I was aloud was my Lexapro which I'm still taking now. There was only twenty patents from all walkes of life aloud at a time, about ten highly train staff many of which where alcoholics. It was so intence, you were aloud practically no time to yourself. Rigorous group therapy for hours every day, meditation classes, gardening, cooking together, group family therapy (the hardest of all!!). we became a family and my God was it tough. They literally take your brain apart and put it back together again (and yes lots of tears and excepting the hard truths). It should have changed my life but I made one vitale mistake, part of the programme is a two year aftercare service (weekly counseling) and you must attend A.A. twice a week at least. I did not do this, so over the months that followed I fell back to my own ways.
Things have been going good over that last few months, I've been becoming a man of the world again, no illegal drugs, no spirits but every now and and again I go throuh a terrible binge (30 pints of lager a day for a week or too. But heres the thing, I really can't do this anymore, I just can't and low and behold something amazing happened last week. As christmas is in most houses everybody gets drunk, my father and I had a big fight, he done something nasty but something that will save my life, you see I'm living with my mum and dad at the moment and he got a court order against me with the condition that if I drink in this house (and I always drink at home & mostly alone), or argue with him anymore I will be charged and could face a few months in prison, and for someone whos never been in trouble with the law in his life this hast giving me a big kick up the butt. So for three months I have to give a urine sample to the police to test for drink and drugs, attend A.A. once a week, see a counselor once a week and join a gim with him to build my confidence.
Then In a few months I'm moving to Australia and hopefully I'll be a new man and start a fresh.
It may sound weird but I'm so greatful to him for doing this, this will save my life because if I kept going the way I was I'd be dead in a year, I'm sure of that.
Anyway sorry for my rant people, I'm a bit drowsy right now ;-). I'm full of benzos for my withdrawls. I got a suppily of diazepam for a few days and Rohypnol for sleeping.
Thank you for reading my story, I've enjoyed all yours. I've been very lucky and so will you be if you just keep your chin up and NEVER give up. You are all beautiful and deserve a life free of addiction and suffering. Take the help, help the poor, have a little faith and you will find your way.
Impermanence - One cannot step into the same river twice. Impermanence implies the interchanging and transient nature of existence. Our body is impermanent. Our mind is impermanent. Our feeling is impermanent. Our possessions are also impermanent. The world and human life are compelling images of impermanence. All things are marked or characterized by impermanence.
Nothing lasts, things will change.
poster:Impermanence
thread:435478
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20041128/msgs/437795.html