Posted by AuntieMel on December 31, 2004, at 14:10:29
In reply to Please help! My son is an alcoholic in trouble.., posted by tanner257 on December 23, 2004, at 20:10:16
Al-anon is about teaching you how to take care of yourself - and how to set healthy boundaries. This can't be anything but good for you. If you didn't find a group that helped then look for another one. Don't be afraid to speak up at meetings and tell what you are going through. Everyone there has been or is going through the same thing.
As a former drunk, I will tell you that if I had people that would help me out, pay for my stuff and clean up after me I would never, never ever have cleaned up.
This doesn't mean you have to shut him out. You can very lovingly tell him that cleaning up his mess has done no good for either of you and you just can't deal with it any more. If you are feeling particularly stern you can tell him that you are saving the money that has gone towards his habit to pay for his funeral.
Tough love.. An analogy I heard is having someone you love going to bed drunk. The drunk falls out of bed, so you help him back in. An hour or so later he falls out again and you help him again. The third time you leave him there - but put a pillow under his head and cover him with a blanket.
Just don't make any "threats" you won't follow up.
And remember something my counselors said (to the family members): "Unless you tied him down and poured alcohol down his throat for several years you didn't cause this. And if you didn't cause it you aren't responsible for it and you can't fix it." She also says "Your child isn't eleven anymore. Give them the dignity to do this, or fail, on their own as an adult."
poster:AuntieMel
thread:433557
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20041128/msgs/436038.html