Posted by lorily on August 9, 2004, at 12:32:27
In reply to Caper or anybody who cares..... Four weeks clean!, posted by Impermanence on July 28, 2004, at 0:19:24
Imperm-----------------------
Welcome!
Your message was almost 2 weeks ago, I just came across it. Listen, I've been there more than once. I didn't get the blade through my skin, but everything else you spoke of, including your mental experiences this last time I have been there. Unfortunately I did not stop drinking at that point and needed to go through more hell. This alcoholism mixed with depression is no joke. The program you are going to for a month will give you all of the tools you need to remain sober and alive. All you have to do is use them. They will teach you how to do that, too. When you get out of there, get to a meeting, get a sponsor and all that good stuff. You'll hear all about that.
It's so wonderful to read the hope and faith you have. And like you said, and it hits me all the time, never give up. I spent many years in and out of detox and AA and the streets I just never gave up--almost, but dragged myself somewhere safe and tried again.
I have been through some very dark times and really don't know how I got through it, well, my higher power, but that's something we can get into later LOL.
I was unemployable for years, i've been homeless, in programs you name it.
Today, I've been at the same job 3 years, I'm getting ready to leave it to go to school. I live with a wonderful man in recovery and we plan to marry next year, I've been sober 1-1/2 years and the changes have been enormous. I've posted in other threads that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't finally tried an antidepressant, effexor, I'd never have gotten sober. My life is so incredible now, just being not depressed opened up the world for me. I'm off the meds almost a month now and feeling great.
Best of luck to you. Don't be afraid of the treatment, just look at it as going away to school. A month is such a tiny amount of time to invest in getting a grip on this awful disease!!
As for your mom, You will never be able to erase what has happened, the only way you can make it up to her is to live a good life. That's all she's ever wanted for you since the day you were born-to be happy and healthy and if you can do that--which you will be able to--that's all that matters.
Please let us know how things went!!!!
poster:lorily
thread:371481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/subs/20040722/msgs/375638.html