Posted by Deneb on October 13, 2005, at 16:29:07
In reply to Re: ((((Deneb)))) » Deneb, posted by alexandra_k on October 13, 2005, at 15:36:47
...that I have to reply. :-)
I didn't feel like replying because I was so very ashamed of what I did. I felt like you have all gotten to know me and expected me to do well. I felt like I let everyone down.
I think my freaking out over the two midterms that day has triggered something within me or something. I got pretty depressed today. I studied for 10 mins then cried for 10 mins, studied for 10, cried for 10 and so on and so forth. I almost went to buy a rope again, but I didn't because I didn't have time to before my chemistry lecture! I'm confused. Do I really want to die or not? If I really wanted to die, I wouldn't have given a darn that I would miss my chemistry lecture!
I can only conclude that I don't really want to die. I just don't know how to cope with things.
I'm still pretty depressed. I don't want to do anything. I need to get myself motivated.
I don't know why I'm so very depressed today and not the other days. I was desperate before, now I'm just depressed. Maybe I should stop messing around with the dosages of my meds...I don't know what is causing what now. :-(
I think my problems are psychological. I need to conjure up more confidence in myself. I need to stop fearing the future.
It's so sad, now that I'm no good at school, I don't really have an identity anymore.
I need to pull myself together! Why can't I pull myself together? Normal people don't think of killing themselves over midterms!! Normal people wouldn't choose a zero over a C!!! I have some serious issues people.
I need my regular p-doc... :-( She always knew what to say to me when I get this way. She always gave me hope and motivation.
Deneb
stillthinksitsagoodideatobuyaropejustincase :-(
poster:Deneb
thread:566324
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/studs/20050910/msgs/566529.html