Posted by alexandra_k on December 1, 2014, at 15:36:26
In reply to Re: physics..., posted by alexandra_k on December 1, 2014, at 3:24:57
so... after taking the night to think on it i've processed things to a much happier place. i won't meet with him again. there were a bunch of things that didn't add up for me. or... that added up for me into a picture that really does suggest that i'm best to keep a cool distance from him.
i've factored in that i was outstandingly lucky to have met the study group of people i did for psychology, before. the main person who made that work was in very many respects a truly remarkable individual and that is unlikely to happen for me again. i shouldn't hold potential friends to the same expectations... and i should also factor that it takes time to learn how to productively work with a person. can't expect things to go swimmingly off the bat.
but this guy was... lazy. and full of yap yap yap yap yap and not prepared to knuckle down and get on with the task. he didn't bring anything to the table. he came to a 'study group' without a pen. without paper. he wanted to moan about how he hated embryology. he wanted to dismiss a bunch of stuff that he couldn't answer high level questions on because he didn't know it because he was convinced that he did already know it.
at a couple of points the lecture notes i'd printed off for him blew away. the first time... he was on his mobile... and he expected people a table over / me to get out of our seats to get them back for him. i've learned that sometimes people set up or 'pretend' phone conversations because they think other people will listen in and be impressed. this was probably a case of that. it doesn't work on me because i respect peoples privacy enough to purposely not listen in. besides... it was the most productive 5 minutes of study time there was in the whole time we were together. the second time his notes blew away i was like 'i'm not getting them for you this time'.
he didn't have an instinctive response to jump up and chase / grab something that was supposedly dear to his heart. not even out of respect / appreciation for the fact that i'd gone to the effort to print them off for him.
that is weird. the people the table over noticed it and gave him skeptical glances... putting all the bits together...
i think he's 'having a go' when it comes to medicine and he thinks that it will be easy for him to get into nursing. which it won't. because it really is very competitive here. i didn't realise that the program here is the only university nursing degree (rather than technical college nursing degree) in the country. and with the medical school here... all the scrub nurses etc will be coming out of here... i think he'll be lucky to get a place in that. i mean, i think he'll have to work a bit harder than he thinks he'll have to in order to earn a place in that. to start with he was all 'i'm just going to focus on preparing over the next few months' and he also said he was going to enroll in a summer school paper. but now... he plans to take a bunch of time off to travel a bit... and he was really sick of work and wanting time off... and then he's going to keep up working part time... and the summer school enrollment didn't work out...
he's full of it.
i suppose he's in shock that i'm probably the only person to have said 'hey, why don't you take another year. what makes you think you have a chance?' like how i was in shock after hearing that last year...
anyway... with the respect to mutual benefit. not happening.
_____
dude was weirder than me. i was... surprisingly normal. i mean... i felt surprisingly normal. coffee shop interaction and whatever... just the whole thing. i see... nobody ever thought i was asperger's because i wasn't able to conduct a normal conversation. i mean... they didn't diagnose it on that basis. when i'm in sensory overwhelm / meltdown i'm not able to... but when i'm not in sensory overwhelm i can actually be quite good. i mean, really. able to maintain appropriate eye contact and be very in tune with non-verbal communications etc. like how this guy expected me to run around after him without his doing anything at all for himself. i heard that loud and clear. and i was able to be appropriately assertive, even (after giving him the benefit of the doubt on one occasion in case he had f*ck*d up feet or something)... but then he wasn't even appreciate just expectant... i didn't want to believe it... but after thought... yeah.
i emailed him the course book. i think he will be feeling all victorious that he got something out of me for free. like... happy that he got a half cup of water. what he doesn't realise is that a half cup isn't going to be enough to seriously help him and i had gallons and gallons and gallons of the stuff...
and that is the tragedy of not being able to engage in reciprocal social relationships... and... it was more in him than me.
and today i feel... normal. like this IS possible. thankful for being humbled by my classes this year because it is scaring me into working harder than i would be working otherwise. i also feel... proud of myself. that i handled myself well in my interaction with him. that i really did give him a proper chance. and that now i can walk away feeling good about myself that i did good, yeah. and that i'm not being taken advantage of. because the notes thing, meh. HAVING them is one thing. LEARNING them is the other (much much harder) thing.
_____
And my mates from wellington... things are hard because they love me so. they are upset i didn't try harder to get a government job and stay in the city with them. one of them is a bit jealous i'm getting to learn science. so... they get to gloat a bit about how much money they earn and so on... because it comes from their own insecurity. they have helped me amazingly over the years. they really are family. i can put up with knocks from them because they've shown over and over that they are there when it counts. when i really need them. theyve done more for me than i've been able to do for them... and i need to be a bit more humble (a lot more humble) about that. but also... limit the length of our interaction :)
life... is good.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141123/msgs/1073872.html