Posted by alexandra_k on November 23, 2014, at 14:29:40
In reply to Re: balance, posted by alexandra_k on November 22, 2014, at 20:57:59
Sorry about that. Not such a helpful way to see it.
The thing is... On the one hand... I would be happy to just put it behind me. Thank god I don't have to play with them for the next few years. But on the other hand... I don't want to pass up a learning opportunity... If there is something to be learned...
I mean... I did really rather badly. And I need to do a lot better for next year... So... What went wrong? It is really throwing me because I didn't think I had done that badly, I thought I had done really rather well on the exam. The second chemistry test... The second physics test... I knew I had done badly on them. No surprises. I knew that I didn't know how to do x and y and z. I lost marks for x and y and z. No surprises. Doing better at chemistry and physics in future is about being able to do practice problems before hand... It is about... practice. A little bit each day... Over a longer period of time than I had to prepare.
Only twice before in my life have I felt so... Confused about things. For a course at tech. 'Methods of Training'. It felt like they threw the exams down the stairs. Actually, no, a little more strategic. It felt like they purposely picked a few kids who would get to do well at it to give them a confidence boost / to give them some kudos or something like that. Because there wasn't a clear content for the course, you see. Or a marking guide, most probably. The other course was 'introduction to teaching and the curriculum' where everybody got an A-. because.... everyone is worth just as much as everyone else, didn't you know? (That is the future of teaching in this country, right there).
So...
I did have this... Kerfuffle? with the first year co-ordinator at the start of the year... About having access to powerpoint notes BEFORE class. And I was told that they had just changed their policy on with holding them... So they would be available before lecture.
And talking about the laboratory thing... And she suggested that maybe I just wasn't any good at laboratory (because of how I did badly on my chemistry labs). And I was calm about that... And said that maybe I wasn't any good at laboratory... But that that wasn't the problem (even if true) the problem was more that I was being prevented from learning in chemistry laboratory because the environment wasn't conducive to my functioning given certain things about it resulting in my having sensory meltdown...
And then she somehow got it into her head that I thought she was an idiot... Because in responding to her above objection (to my having laboratory accommodations) I said 'oh, the 'maybe you are just stupid objection'. and at that point she got it into her head that I was calling her stupid. And she was like 'WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!!!' and I was like 'I was naming your objection' (you know, like how you label the logical fallacy, the ecological fallacy and so on and so forth) and she couldn't hear what I was saying..
Because... Uh... Because... Well, because she struggled a lot in her studies. If she did studies. One can only suppose...
I don't know what is up where they think that it is good for kids to have teachers who struggle. You know... If you want to help struggling kids... Kids who struggle in biology... Then give them teachers who struggle in biology. Give them teachers who can't get their transcription and translation straight... Teachers who can't distinguish their cromatin from their chromosome from their chromatid. That will help the kids most-est. Then when they get to university... Give them the lecturers just like that, too...
When the world doesn't make any sense... You can't help other people see sense in it... I feel like that sometimes (very rarely, thankfully). There are some questions... GOOD questions... That distinguish. That are fair. That question where the answer is to be found on the 4th powerpoint of lecture 9. Second point on a slide with 4 points and one simple diagram. Obscure... But there. Or a synthetic question... Logical deduction. That works, too.
But if you can't be taught to see what is going on in the above... If nobody points out to you 'there is the answer, that was how you were expected to know that'. Then I suppose things seem... Random. You think that the teacher just pulls questions out of their *ss and it isn't stuff that is taught. And you inflict those sorts of questions onto your students. And your tests don't discriminate those who learned the content that you taught them (haha) from those who didn't... Those who put in the time from those who didn't. Those who have the ability to learn information that might be required (in a job, too) and those who don't...
And if you didn't spend however many years actually studying your *ss off from textbooks and powerpoint slided... Then you don't get much of an idea of how much content is reasonable... Or of how to present that content as simply as you can in order to extract the most content out of your students at the end of the day...
Instead you employ little tricks... Like asking the exact same questions for several exams in a row so that the unknowing observer / external moderator thinks that you had a high level content for the course... But really... You just gave them not much to memorise / taught to the exam rather than the exam being a random sample of their greater knowledge.
I can just imagine... People sitting somewhere... THinking that somehow I got 'taught a lesson'. What did I get taught? Useful stuff on how to study better? Or that 'I can't be good at everything'. I suspect... The latter. I suspect there is supposed to be some kind of lesson for me like that... You have to share your moment of glory (getting good grades) it isn't fair to hog the limelight. Because it is about that, you see. The Kudos. Like wanting to use the women's bar ONLY because someone else really wants to use it therefore it must be valuable...
I did make it clear at the start... About how I was having trouble following lectures because people were whispering all the way through them... Instead of telling people 'only rule in my classroom is that you don't disturb others learning - shut up or get out' they were all 'come to class come to class come to class'. People come to class hacking up phlem over all the other students... but that's okay at least they came to class so the lecturer gets to feel popular... That's what it's about - right?
And so we have diagrams in this book that aren't labelled... And we are supposed to label them from the lecture... Which isn't recorded... So you cant' really listen to the lecture because you are trying to put the labels on your diagram. Because you get one shot in putting the labels on the diagram because otherwise why would people come to class? And if people don't come to class then the lecturer doesn't get to feel popular.
So... Just getting the content that you needed to learn was a f*ck*ng mission. I mean... Give a person the diagram... Go through it.. I'd say 5 minutes... Over 4 days... And you'd have it down. But no, we must devote a good chunk of class time to it. And then if we weren't sure if that was the right label since where the line is pointing to is ambiguous... Or whatever... The diagram isn't a 'standard diagram'. It isn't in our text or whatever.
Anyway.... I was assured that lecture notes would go up (to save me from this nonsense). Only they didn't. And lecture recordings didn't go up either. I think... They don't want people to see their contents.. Because they might feel somewhat embarrassed.
It is just... Extremes... One guy who writes a textbook of a lab manual. Very nicely done, actually. But then his powerpoint notes are really crucial for carving out a manageable chunk. For focusing on what aspects he considers important. He wont' provide that.
It just seems random... As random as things would seem if I floated along from class to class doing NO WORK outside of class AT ALL. I think... that is how it is supposed to seem. I mean.. People are all equal, didn't you know? And what, you think you are better than other people (deserve better grades) for working harder? for working smarter? Confound those things and then what's she got? Lets teach her a lesson...
?
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20141123/msgs/1073708.html