Posted by alexandra_k on August 8, 2014, at 18:35:19
In reply to Re: bugs, posted by alexandra_k on August 8, 2014, at 17:44:18
i guess it does come from insecurity. the people who are all 'oh my god! you don't even know how to do that! you should just drop out now because there is no way you can pass!'.
which is what i got fairly early on in chemistry. because i didn't know how to rearrange an equation.
it took all of about 3 minutes for a physics tutor to show me how - and now i can do it.
some people... it is all about hierarchy. the happy puppy game. they just love an excuse to puff out their own chests for being superior to others. the problem with that is that... they are in positions of power. they are in roles like tutor and their job is to help people learn. not to lord their knowledge over others.
those people... tends to be the same people... seem to get a real kick out of the thought that i might be bad at something. i remember at least one primary school teacher being filled with absolute glee that i couldn't be accelerated a year because my maths wasn't particularly good. she obviously didn't like me so very much... WHY COULDN'T SHE USE THAT TO HELP THEM LET ME GO
some people get a kick out of the thought that i might be bad at labs. working things up... labs are a form of 'practical knowledge' that i'm bad at. they get a real kick out of that. glee.
their job isn't to get a kick out of it, though. their job is to help me learn. they're too busy gloating that i don't know, already. puffing out their chests.
i think life it about... protecting oneself from negative forces such as this. minimising time spent... no, that's not true, minimising the degree to which it affects one. the degree to which it affects one. that is about power. you don't want such people in positions of power over you. unless you are particularly good at the smiling and flirting and 'oh my GAWD you are such a BIG and STRONG and SMART human being' game... puff out your chest oh please puff out your chest oh there is nothing more impressive than when you puff out your chest my whole life is devoted to it...
how did this get to be the game at university?
this university is fairly segmented, i'm coming to realise. like how my old university was... then it got to be less so over time... there are a bunch of research institutes about. swipe card access. i'm talking about big buildings here with common spaces as well as hallways and individual offices etc. swipe card access. you really do have to have gated communities in order to function. currently i'm dealing with the remedial situation... the problem is that i can't work my way out of it by beating them at their own game (so to speak) because their own game is teh puffing out of ones chest...
i'm fairly certain that i won't be sticking about to do a physiology degree if that means more contact with the biological science first year convenor... law is... going much much better than i had supposed. the carry over, i mean. had a tutorial and tutor is judges clark (not an idiot). secure enough to take delight in students raising things she hadn't thought of so she got to think of them. instead of being all butt hurt that they scrambled over her in some happy puppy scramble game.
i don't understand why these people are placed in positions of power at university. i mean... i do... it is because you want people *just like them* to herd the masses through. what masses? the masses of squealy, yippy 'did you do your readings? nah.. me neither' people. the ones who 'just LOVE labs they are so much FUN EEEEEEEEEE!' herd them through... take their money... redistribute that to managers who get to puff out their chests.
it is tiresome. i don't function well in it. i need to get away... issue is one of gatekeepers... to a certain extent...
i think perhaps i did do wrong in having this foundations year. i would have been better to have gone straight into biomed... not done well enough in the first year, of course. but learned a hell of a lot over three years and applied to med from that.
this way... dealing with people i'm dealing with... ffs...
it really is a power thing. when those people come to me for stuff (in my class) i do my best to help them learn. even though they seem incapable of returning the favor.
it does go back to that thing... you take power not because you want power. you take it only because your taking it is the lesser of the available evils. sigh. f*ck*ng hat it.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1058481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20140718/msgs/1069424.html