Posted by Conundrum on November 8, 2010, at 11:47:49
In reply to dating + mental illness, posted by g_g_g_unit on November 6, 2010, at 6:38:29
> I was curious about the extent to which mental illness has affected peoples' abilities to pursue relationships, particularly with respect to the *kind* of people they were able to date, how tolerant they've found others to be etc.?
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> As someone with ADD, I've always passively craved the attention of others. I'm shy, but have a strange sense of humour which I love inflicting on people.
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> Unfortunately, I kinda grew into a habit of relying on my wit as a source of self-confidence. Once I became depressed and 'slowed down', I started self-isolating, because I saw no reason people could possibly want me around. Meds also sap my self-confidence, because they make me a lot more introverted.
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> My track record with women is disastrous . . I'm shy and tend to attract domineering man-eaters.
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> What I hate is the way psychologists adopt this really impractical, idealized view of the world . . I'm constantly being told I should try internet dating, etc. And while I'm good-looking, I'm also a little . . well, odd - as in shy, weird body language, soft talker, etc. I think women are turned off by these things?
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> Admittedly, I love to obsessively browse dating websites, but I wonder if I'm kidding myself. I'm not sure normal people could even begin to understand what I've been through. It'd be like me trying to relate to an asylum seeker (for example). Is it best we (pardon the term) stick to our "own kind"?
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lol @ domineering maneater, that was pretty funny. But this is serious. I've dated with my problems, which for me are a lack of confidence and anhedonia. The girls I have dated have always been supportive of me. Sometimes lacking confidence is bad, because you can let yourself get walked on if you don't, to use an annoying phrase, man up. I recently broke up with a girl I was seeing for a couple years. She lived far away so it was hard, but I also always thought she was annoyed at me for something even though she wasn't. There were other problems as well.The worst thing, for me is the anhedonia, which basically keeps you from feeling love. I mean I don't even wanna date again, until thats dead and gone.
I agree with you that being shy and talking low is not generally attractive to most women, it is for some. Some find it cute. Perhaps this is why the doc, suggested internet dating, since you don't have to be loud meeting someone at a party or a bar. Also, online you are more likely to meet someone like yourself who isn't loud and aggressive.
I think it might be worth a shot. I wouldn't reveal that you have a mental illness right away. From what I've read, you seem like a genuinely nice person, so I wouldn't think that your OCD would be a deal breaker, but you might want to let them get to know you before you tell them.
Complaints: post-SSRI problems: anhedonia, memory and concentration problems, sexual dysfunction. )
Country:USA
Currently taking mirtazapine and tianeptine
poster:Conundrum
thread:968750
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20101029/msgs/969197.html