Posted by SLS on March 6, 2009, at 7:23:48
In reply to Could not defend myself, posted by HyperFocus on March 5, 2009, at 23:04:37
> Social anxiety makes the least things almost overwhelmingly terrifying, and the exceptional things impossible.
Yes.
> Just walking through campus is an ordeal.
Yes.
> After a few minutes when I see he isn't going to throw the bottle away I grab it and throw it away.
It was easier to throw it away yourself rather than to confront this person directly and suggest the rules were probably a good idea to follow. I have taken this "easy" way out of things many times myself. I was afraid of any kind of confrontation because of my social anxiety. The thing that makes it so hard for me to walk away from the soda bottle is because it is my nature to be confrontative when someone does something antisocial - when I am not ill. When ill, I would rather attempt to "fix" things myself than confront someone to fix it themselves.
> Next thing I know this f*ck*r punches / shoves me in the chest and starts this ridiculous rant about tossing the *ssh*l*'s drink.
This is not a common behavior, to be sure, and represents an antisocial personality. However, I can see how someone could find your action provocative and challenging. Others, however, would simply say, "Thank you."
I have learned to just "let things go" if I know I am not well equipped to handle a possible confrontation, so matter how badly I would love to.
> I was too stunned to do anything - it seemed incredible that someone would act like that over an empty drink bottle. I was so angry / emotional I was shaking furiously.
I find that my shaking reaction to this sort of thing is the result of the depressive / anxiety illness itself. The brain / body produces an exaggerated "fight of flight" reaction that produces the nervous shaking. It is an overproduction of the "fear" response in the amygdala region of the brain. It is not your fault.
> The guys notices it and taunts me about it.
You, at least, were not a coward, even though the exaggerated sympathetic (fight or flight) reaction made you look and feel that way. You did not run away.
As I wrote earlier, when ill, my social anxiety leaves me poorly equipped to handle any kind of confrontation. So, I have learned that it is better for me to avoid it. I would have left the bottle alone. When my medication is working, I become equipped to deal with confrontation, but I choose my battles well. Some things are just none of my business. I used to make everything my business. I think idealism can lead to this sort of mentality. Injustice still makes me nuts.
You know, people do carry guns or are otherwise equipped to do major bodily harm. I once became involved in a road-rage incident where the other guy was carrying a piece in his car. I try, try, try not to let that sort of meaningless battle occur, but it has been a difficult journey to choose safety over ego. I just choose not to confront. I provide myself with my own dignity now.
Too much babbling.
One of the points I tried to make is that your social anxiety is classic in terms of how it affects you emotionally and biologically. It might not be the most popular opinion here right now, but, yes, a good biological treatment can obliterate social anxiety if true SAD is the condition being treated. I can tell you this from experience. You will still have to deal with fear-producing situations, but you won't have that automatic and exaggerated FEAR reaction that is a part of the biological illness. You will be able to process the danger and decide whether or not to confront it. You will be far more assertive.
- Scott
poster:SLS
thread:884002
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20090226/msgs/884031.html