Posted by Leo Brazil on August 21, 2008, at 10:28:09
For starters I have depression and Social Phobia, pretty bad. I mean I hate people because I think they want to take advantage of me or humiliate me.
Last night my sister's boyfriend, wich I hate, came to spend the night in my home. I couldn't sleep just because I knew he was in my apartment. That upset me all night long. That was the worst night I ever had.
This social phobia and depression is making my life impossible. I just want to die to end this pain. I've already tried medication but that didn't work. Antidepressants made me agitated and benzos made me depressed. All I can take is Neurontin wich doesn't help much.
On top of it all I love a girl who doesn't love me back. She says that she likes me as a friend. I think she doesn't wanna have a relationship with me beacause I don't have a job and I am not so friendly. I just don't see how I can get out of this situation right now.
These feelings of hopelessness and rage towards people are killing me.
This girl I love is my Pilates Instructor. Today I will see her. I want to have a nice relationship with her, but my hostility towards everybody, especially my loved ones, makes it impossible.
Sorry for the ranting, but I just needed to get it out. My faith in god is what keeps me going.
poster:Leo Brazil
thread:847513
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080816/msgs/847513.html