Posted by Fivefires on March 31, 2008, at 13:13:27
In reply to Re: I want to die *trigger* » Fivefires, posted by Kath on March 2, 2008, at 15:53:51
I'm ashamed to be replying ... weeks later. This was in my TBR (to be read) file.
This is valuable, very much so, and I suppose, to you K, now it is coming a natural way to handle bad. As questioning as I am, the thought crosses my mind I'll be there in my head and miss the coming train or something. This is the awful negativity which has replaced my once positive attitude.
The senses ... see, hear, taste, touch, smell. (On Wellbutrin over a week now. PCP prescribed.) On the good side, think I feel a bit more grounded than was, but on the other side, I'm w/o motivation (unless there is urgency; snaps me right into the moment) and w/o spontaneity. Guess I should report to P o.k. but not less 'un'pressed.
I lost a recent opportunity to move to a more activating environment :(, so still stuck in an isolating place. I'd changed #s as told sig. other no longer wanted relationship. Sum1 rang doorbell in mid night and unlocked all locks. Scared the heck out of me. Sig-other swears not. Awoke to two bags of food outside this morning from sig-other. Re-keying tonight. Sale sign in window could be invitation for vagrant. Cannot let sig-other back in my life, if was, re-keying tonight like said. Sig-other up all night doing who knows what. It's been a scary month.
I hope this will help me Kath and thank you so very much for your well-put examples. I will try.
Saw T just once think in last 3wks. Discussed inpatient and 'no beds', not for ideation alone, Phillipa. No one to process w/ L, so in meantime try distract.
Just notified of death in extended FOO, and know father would be making travel arrangements, so I'm doing so, but daughter wonders if I'm able and so do I.
About 'sharing the bad'; not enough motivation or self-esteem to think myself worthy of effort at this time.
I'll try using K's technique today, when find myself going to 'worry state'. I've got a chance to earn$ which must deal with today and pray goes well. If not, I'll listen listen listen!
Mainly I worry I'm becoming more ill and wonder why no one is even throwing a rope. PCP wants detox off narcs June, but pain so awful, how deal, dunno.
tkssoverymuch, 5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:813926
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20080329/msgs/820894.html