Posted by ConfuzyQ on July 30, 2007, at 15:24:43
In reply to Re: Where are you supposed to find good friends?, posted by Enigma on July 30, 2007, at 11:02:59
Hi Enigma, I'm so sorry you're suffering this way.
> It's funny.. I wonder if there are personal pages you can put an ad in to try to find good friends. I'm sure there aren't, as anyone reading them would assume anyone using such a service must be a complete loser.
There are actually, in some bigger or more 'progressive' cities anyway. If you have a local 'alternative' type newspaper, might check it out. I really don't know how this goes between men seeking strictly friendship, but women seem to enjoy it. And I think most people are straightforward about what they'd like in a friend and what they're like themselves, more so than when this kind of thing is done for dating purposes.
And in this day and age no one thinks anyone is a loser for doing it. It's a self-selecting population -- they wouldn't be there themselves if they thought anyone who would do it was a loser.
> I'm not joining any clubs and such to meet people either, as the odds of gaining a friend there is a shot in the dark at best and I really don't want to waste my time and/or money.
>I don't agree at all that it's a long shot, and how could it be a waste of your time considering how things are otherwise going for you now. This is practically the only way people *do* make new friends once they are out of school, and if their work setup isn't such that they meet friends there, or ones that work out anyway. Aside from if you're lucky enough to hit it off with your neighbors, how many other methods are there.
Any kind of sport, hobby or interest, coaching or assisting with something like that, helping organize fundraising events, whatever, that you can think of is a fabulous way to make friends (and there are not necessarily high or any costs involved). Especially since you immediately have something in common, something to talk about, and also a reason to see each other at regular intervals with no one seeming to pursue anyone.
I think you should join any club or interest group you have even a remote interest in, and never again hurt yourself by being the only party to work at a relationship. I think things will go much much better in this way once you have made some changes to lessen the hurt you carry from past experiences.
I know this probably didn't help. But I do hope you feel better and try something new soon. If you aren't willing to, then at least you can feel in control of what happens to you, because then you would be actively choosing not to improve things for yourself.
Best,
CQ
poster:ConfuzyQ
thread:772685
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070707/msgs/772938.html