Posted by Larry Hoover on January 31, 2007, at 10:18:26
In reply to sorry...will go work on self..., posted by alesta on January 31, 2007, at 7:41:19
> I just wanted to say how sorry I am now that I've calmed down. I'm living in a mental war zone right now, and the rage and devastating put-downs and humiliations and hurts are starting to crush my soul...i've been through this sort of thing throughout my life but for some reason right now i am reacting like this. maybe it's the level of magnitude. anyway, i am surprised at myself, too. i'm sorry. i don't know why i got so uncontrollably angry. i think i need to release it in a safe way and where it's ok to do so. maybe similate writing letters to abusers on the computer.
Alesta, I'm sorry you find yourself in such a pickle. And I wish that I could offer you more than my words, but that is all I have to give to you, just now.
I'm glad that you're angry, because it gives you the stimulation that can allow you to make changes. Your first post was an enquiry with respect to developing tolerance, and that is a wonderful motive. Energy + motive = opportunity.
Anger is a response to an internal state, and you've successfully identified some triggers. The trick, I think, is to recognize the sequential activation that ends up being identified as anger. It takes time, although that time might seem instantaneous. The mind can learn to observe the sequence itself, and in doing so, time is captured as an experience. The mere act of observing the sequence permits choices to be made. Adaptive choices.
A bit about adaptivity. One of the characteristics that links behaviours to personality disorders is an attribute we assign as being maladaptive. It's about as close as we can manage in describing behaviours critically, without being judgmental. If a behaviour didn't improve the situation, then it's maladaptive. This negative focus, though, keeps us from considering adaptive behaviours. I sense that's what you're asking about. What would be an adaptive behaviour? One which utilizes the activation that you feel from being e.g. humiliated?
I'm going to project a bit, and suggest that Glydin touched on this as well....but frustration is something that interferes with adaptation. Minor annoyances are accumulative. Of course, so are major annoyances. Time again becomes a concern, as the timeliness of acting in an adaptive way is a modulator of the feeling of frustration. Frustration most certainly contributes to anger.
You're absolutely on the money when you speak of seeking release from frustration. That will help you to clear your cognitive world, and perhaps permit you the opportunity to seize time during the sequence from humiliation to anger. It takes practise. It takes even the recognition that the act of seizing time is possible. It is. It's an act of mindfulness. It's observation of self.
Alesta, I'm glad you're at this threshold. Because you can do this. You can make it happen.
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:728027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20070130/msgs/728413.html