Posted by Deneb on May 21, 2006, at 21:03:55
In reply to Re: I met Bob!!!, posted by Jai Narayan on May 21, 2006, at 9:45:53
Today Pseudoname, 10derHeart, Fallsfall, AuntieMel and Poet were supposed to eat breakfast together, but Fallsfall, Auntie and Poet were late and ended up not eating breakfast. The place was very busy and Pseudoname, 10derHeart and I got moved to a table for four. The people in the restaurant let Fallsfall, AuniteMel and Poet skip the lineup and join us, but the table wasn't big enough for all of us.
I had a waffle with strawberries, bananas and custard. It was very good. Finally, a restaurant I picked which is actually good! The dim sum place didn't impress me, nor did the ice cream place.
After breakfast, we went to the Metro Toronto Convention Centre to register for the APA meeting. We got bags with lots of stuff about the convention. AuntieMel, Fallsfall, Poet and I explored all the exhibits featuring different medications. We walked around and took pens, pins, candy, a little sleep hygiene bag of goodies and even a book on dreams. It was weird, it was like we didn't belong, like we were sneaking into a secret place. But, we were official, yep...we had those name tags with the barcode thingie and everything. :-) Hehehe, I probably didn't look like I belonged at all!
I was extremely quiet today. I didn't feel much like talking today, I don't know why. I talked at most a few sentences today.
We missed Dr. Bob today. He went to the shoe museum and we were not there. We were still at the convention centre. :-( I really wanted to see Dr. Bob today. I still love him. Yep, in real life too. The first time I saw him, I didn't feel the love, but later, when I thought about it some more, I felt the love again. I was smiling in bed last night, because I meet Dr. Bob. I couldn't sleep yet again, so I thought of Dr. Bob to keep me occupied. LOL
I should be extremely tired, but I'm not. I've probably slept about 4 hours these two days. Yesterday the noise wasn't so bad, but I still couldn't sleep. The bed is hard and my pillow is super flat, like no pillow at all. I think my brain is slowing down. At the exhibits, I watched videos about different drugs and how they work and I could not for the life of me concentrate and understand anything. My brain is tired.
I'm still very anxious about getting lost. I'm horrible with directions. I took the subway today with 10derHeart, Fallsfall, AuntieMel, Poet and Larry. We went to the shoe museum. I took tons of pictures. I'm going to have to delete some. In deleting some, I accidentally deleted a picture of my dinner yesterday. :-(
I was extremely quiet in the shoe museum. I didn't say much at all today. I'm not very good at this socializing thing. I have some problems with socializing. I'm worried about the workshop tomorrow. Will I be able to speak? I hardly spoke at all today.
I will go. I want to see Dr. Bob. Dr. Bob. I love Dr. Bob. :-) He's nice. He's a considerate person. He thinks of other people. At the restaurant yesterday, he asked the owners when they close. The owners then said they closed a while ago. I didn't even think of the people working there, but Bob did. He thought of them and considered them. Isn't that great?
I'm feeling social anxiety over some things I've done. Larry convinced me to try to make a toast last night and I did a very bad job. I don't think anyone even heard me and what I said was neither original nor particularly thoughtful. :-( I'm mortified. I feel like tearing my hair out. I can't stand it. I made such a fool of myself.
Strangely I don't feel embarassed about asking Dr. Bob strange questions and expressing my love for Bob.
I don't think I'm very good at making conversation. I can't think on my feet. It's horrible. Maybe I'm just really stupid or something. I can't come up with anything witty to say. I also don't know too much about popular culture, politics or anything really.
No one wants to talk about Dr. Bob all the time. I feel like such a freak. :-( Today I didn't really feel like I belonged, to tell you the truth. I don't know why exactly. Maybe I'm just too different. Maybe I'm not meant to socialize. I space out quite a bit and don't follow conversations well. I'm in my own little world a lot of the time, (like always LOL).
I want to see Bob more. Bob....Ah, Bob. I love Bob in real life too. I asked Dr. Bob if he minds that I love him. He said it was fine. At first I thought he said "fun". But later the others told me it was definitely "fine". That's good. I'm going to take it that Dr. Bob doesn't mind that I love him. Bob's probably not afraid of me.
I also apologized for all my e-mails with the threats to my life that I sent him a long time ago. He said it was okay in a very sincere way. I now believe that he definitely did recieve and read those e-mails. I think he even remembers them. Otherwise, I'm not sure that he would say that it's okay so sincerely. It was a serious "okay".
I think Dr. Bob believes me. I think he doesn't think I was playing games. I think he doesn't think I'm playing games now. I'm really Deneb in real life. I think people think I show my real self online.
I'm much more reserved in real life. I'm very very quiet. Just like I said. I think I'm abnormally quiet.
I think it was be okay after this trip and I don't get to see Dr. Bob in real life anymore. I can love him without seeing him.
I have to come up with a list of things to talk about tomorrow at the workshop. I'm going to organize my thoughts. I have to do that because my mind goes blank when I'm nervous or around people. It really goes blank. It's horrible. I can never really get "into" conversations because I'm too busy thinking of myself. I'm starting to think I'm not meant to have friends. I'm not meant to socialize.
Oh well.
Hmmm...more about Bob...
I asked Dr. Bob what his favourite colour is, and he said that he doesn't have one. I also asked Dr. Bob if he had any pets and he said no. It's so cool that Dr. Bob is answering my questions. :-) He was really socializing.
I really wonder what Dr. Bob thinks of my Bob love. Does he think it's strange? Does he think I'm nuts? LOL Hehehe. I might talk about my love for the administrator of Babble tomorrow. It's a big part of babble for me.
(((((Dr. Bob)))))
I wish I could hug him whenever I wanted. Virtual hugs are nice too. (((((Bob+Deneb)))))
Sorry about writing so much about Bob again. I'm obsessed, I know.
Deneb*
poster:Deneb
thread:645956
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060521/msgs/646706.html