Posted by 10derHeart on March 31, 2006, at 19:24:16
In reply to Re: I've made a complete fool of myself, posted by Deneb on March 31, 2006, at 17:14:13
Sorry, but I can't fully comply with your request.
Encouraging others is a big part of my personal, spiritual philosophy for how to live my daily life, so I *won't* be encouraged not to do it! (I'm not yelling at you....just playing on words...;-)
I don't see your thoughts as idiotic. I don't think being *normal* equals keeping thoughts to yourself all the time. It can be unhealthy. Babble is a good place to let those thoughts out. I'm not worried or afraid of you.
Deneb, honestly, there is no reason for shame here. One way I define shame is intensely not wanting others to know something we've done, felt, etc. Because if they did....what? They will hate us? They will think we're stupid, weird, strange, scary, bad? And it's ever so important what they think, because if it's not nice, well, they won't want more *connection* with us, and we really do universally want and need that human connection.
Shame is probably necessary to help keep things right between humans - after all, shame over something truly awful and hurtful can be an appropriate response. It could motivate someone to ask forgiveness, to confess their responsibility, to make amends, to change their ways and turn away from doing bad things to others.
But misplaced shame can be awfully damaging when it takes over and drives our view of ourselves. You see that every day here from the awful pain some posters are in stemming from childhood events that still haunt them, full of shame that isn't even theirs as they were victims! It's a sad thing, the bad self-talk and how terrible that shame gets them feeling inside. For no reason at all... I don't want even a bit of that for you if it's going to be over understandable feelings toward Dr. Bob and over a scarf.
Consider this: you will be meeting me in Toronto, and I've read probably all of your threads ever since shygirl. I'd like to think we've grown and learned about each other together. Truth be told, you've shared a lot more because you have a fearlessness and candor I can't match. You've put yourself out there and just lived with the consequences. Point is, I can hold all that knowledge in my head about you, and still feel nothing but positive thoughts towards you. I can imagine us meeting and I *know* - I really do - that I will not be thinking ANY of the negative things you are afraid I could be thinking. I think you may find it's the same for other Babblers and for Dr. Bob, too.
First, past is past inthis situation, for me anyway. Staying in the moment when meeting people is helpful, as I can react and respond to what's happening, not to some script I've written based on a picture I've decided you painted from your posts here. Being openminded and really listening and paying attention in the moment is, I guess, what I'm describing.
So, in Toronto, if you were to say or do something so extreme I felt a comment or action was needed, well, I'd handle that decision then, as would anyone. But if it helps you to know this, my internal dialog won't be anything like, 'oh, here's Deneb, she's the one who_________. and said________." Nope. I'm not perfect, and of course I can be influenced by things you've shared, but I don't feel I've painted you into a corner and labelled you based on your history here. Hopefully, it will only help me understand certain things better. You *could* look at it as a relief, what we Babblers know about you. In my IRL interactions (though I'm getting braver) I'm often guarded and afraid to cross lines about mental health stuff, even though mostly, it would let my friends understand me better, treat me more kindly, etc. It's very confusing for them, because I'm an outgoing, talkative extovert in their eyes, who from time to time goes quiet, probably wears a strange look on my face, and mumbles, "oh, nevermind," when they ask whats' wrong. I can't bring myself to take the risk of sharing sometimes. Sadly, even here after two years, I self-censor possible threads I want to start in my head because I'm afraid they'll sound dumb or weird or boring or blah, blah...Well, you've already done it!
I'm very comfortable with IRL hugs. So feel free to give me one, Deneb. And if you're not and don't, that is *perfectly* fine, too. Don't underestimate the extent to which people can genuinely accept you, warts and all. We humans do rise up away from some of our less desireable qualities and do stuff like that, more often that you think.
Yap away when you need to - it's okay. Shame...be gone!
-- 10derHeart (looking forward to meeting you)
poster:10derHeart
thread:627187
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060331/msgs/627248.html