Posted by Deneb on March 4, 2006, at 23:38:45
In reply to Re: Is it OK to give Dr. Bob a gift at BabbleFest? » Deneb, posted by JenStar on March 4, 2006, at 23:03:09
> If you didn't *love* him and profess your love here, a gift might be kind of cool, especially if it was something small and unusual from your hometown, something useful/interesting/non-romantic all at once.
I think a gift then would be pretty cool too. :-) It could say, "Thanks for all the work you do here at Babble."
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> But since you ARE in the throes of love, (LOL) the gift becomes too much stress on you, almost.>Instead of being a "nice to meet you," or an "I respect you and I won't greet you with empty hands" gesture, it becomes imbued with multiple layers of meaning and leaves you ripe for disappointment. And the fact that you ARE professing your love puts potential pressure on the recipient as well.
I wouldn't be disappointed if Dr. Bob didn't say anything but a simple "Thanks". I really truly want to give a gift with no strings attached. :-) BTW, I'm thinking of giving everyone else a gift too to make accepting the gift that much easier. LOL Again, I don't want anyone to give me a gift because I'm giving gifts. My gifts come with no strings attached. :-)
> For example: Do you WANT the gift to be an "I respect you and I won't greet you with empty hands" gesture, which is common in some cultures as a sign of respect?
I think I want the gift to say more than that.
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> Or...do you want the gift to say "I Love You!!! Please love me too!!!"LOL, I want it to say the first part, but not the second part. I don't want Dr. Bob to say he loves me too. That would be weird.
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> Or...do you want the gift to say, "Remember me! I'm special!"LOL, again, the first part, but not the second part.
> Or is it even possible that it's a gift meant (in an ever so slight way) to manipulate the recipient into engaging into some deeper relationship with you, because it's hard to say no to a gift, and anytime a gift is accepted it often makes the receiver feel "indebted" to the giver?
I don't want the receiver to feel "indebted" at all. I just want them to receive the gift and be happy. I know Dr. Bob will never engage in any relationship with me and I'm OK with that. In fact, that's probably the reason why I do love him.
> But seriously, if you think about what's going on, and why you want to give the gift, you may be able to decide what (if any) gift would be appropriate.
I think Dr. Bob will react the same way no matter what I do. He's very good with boundaries. I'm sure that even if I give him a very personal gift that he will act in an appropriate way....just say "thanks." I don't think he will do or say anything to suggest that he does or doesn't like me. I think he'll be able to compose himself in any situation.
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> again, take all that with a grain of salt! It's only an opinion, so if you don't like it, feel free to ignore. :)
>Hey, I don't want to ignore your advice! You asked some very good questions. I'm really glad you replied. I think I'll do whatever makes me happy in terms of the gift thing and I'm sure Dr. Bob will be able to handle himself whatever I give him.
Plus, I think he'll read these posts and prepare himself. LOL
Deneb
poster:Deneb
thread:616031
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060303/msgs/616067.html