Posted by JenStar on March 4, 2006, at 23:03:09
In reply to Is it OK to give Dr. Bob a gift at BabbleFest?, posted by Deneb on March 4, 2006, at 22:00:03
hi Deneb,
read this with several grains of salt, b/c it's only MY opinion. It's up to you to do what feels right! But, since you asked...here is what I think:If you didn't *love* him and profess your love here, a gift might be kind of cool, especially if it was something small and unusual from your hometown, something useful/interesting/non-romantic all at once.
But since you ARE in the throes of love, the gift becomes too much stress on you, almost. Instead of being a "nice to meet you," or an "I respect you and I won't greet you with empty hands" gesture, it becomes imbued with multiple layers of meaning and leaves you ripe for disappointment. And the fact that you ARE professing your love puts potential pressure on the recipient as well.
Or even --scratch all that. Why do you want to give a gift, exactly? I think if you can answer that question, the answer of yes/no will be clearer to you.
For example: Do you WANT the gift to be an "I respect you and I won't greet you with empty hands" gesture, which is common in some cultures as a sign of respect?
Or...do you want the gift to say "I Love You!!! Please love me too!!!"
Or...do you want the gift to say, "Remember me! I'm special!"
Or is it even possible that it's a gift meant (in an ever so slight way) to manipulate the recipient into engaging into some deeper relationship with you, because it's hard to say no to a gift, and anytime a gift is accepted it often makes the receiver feel "indebted" to the giver?
Is it a combination of some or all of the above? I admit that those are common reasons *I* give gifts...even if I don't want to admit it, always...
But seriously, if you think about what's going on, and why you want to give the gift, you may be able to decide what (if any) gift would be appropriate.
again, take all that with a grain of salt! It's only an opinion, so if you don't like it, feel free to ignore. :)
JenStar
poster:JenStar
thread:616031
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20060303/msgs/616047.html