Posted by allisonross on November 16, 2005, at 13:49:35
In reply to Re: I Have Never Felt So Calmly Uncaring » Deneb, posted by corafree on November 16, 2005, at 0:09:27
> Hi, sweetie:
It's stranger than that.
>
> I am planning on dying soon.This makes me so sad to hear.
>
> Someone else packed my things (it was like I was out of my body/mind, a robot).
>
> Someone else pretended they were happy that their mother moved them 'like a chess piece' on a game board from one place to another (I am good at acting.).Can you make a conscious decision to be authentic?
>
> Here now, I'm feeling the real me. The real me feels things are bad, inside my body and around me.I think that is a good step. To recognize your feelings, and know them.
>
> It's been 10yrs. My ex abusive husband divorced me and that's when I moved to my prior little condo.(I may have told you) I divorced my abusive ex, and have been alone for 5 months (HATE it), I was married and endured 31 years of abuse.
>
> I turned it into a comfort zone ... was working the first 2yrs and so could decorate and make it warm and homey(sp?). Then a couple yrs later, I started to be unable to go w/o missing work every once, a month or two.Do you know why? Depressed?
They put me on probation. My daughter needed me and my father needed me, and they wouldn't give me a leave. I was working hard and putting out great work, but on probation you receive no raises. After 3mos of not missing any work, at my review, she did not take me off probation. I quit. I filed and won compensation. I tried to more short jobs, lost them .. one because my hands shook
Do you know why?
, the other because they said I was not remembering directions. It was then I filed for SSD and did so w/ a mental health diagnosis.
>
> My life really went through many stages there. Leaving it behind feels like another failure.We ALL have choices. Is that what you REALLY want to do (end your life), or is it that you just want PEACE in your life?
Have you thought of how your daughter would feel? ( I don't know who you have for family), but I am sure others would feel terrible, and blame themselves for the rest of their lives.
Is this the legacy you want to leave behind? At least for your daughter's sake, I hope you will get into therapy, call a mental health clinic, hospital, women's shelter, suicide hotline--- anyone
(If you've been in therapy before, and nothing worked; try one more time---even if it is just for your daughter's sake).
I am sure you can't imagine the horror she would experience, and blame herself for the rest of her life (that there was something she could have done)
My love and thoughts are with you. I wish I knew how to help, but I am holding you in my heart and prayers.
Ally
>
> bw&tu,cf
poster:allisonross
thread:579024
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051109/msgs/579358.html