Posted by TexasChic on October 22, 2005, at 16:23:57
I'm already feeling the anxiety! It'll probably be much more boring than all the senerios that are going round and round in my head. But cute boy is going to be there! I'm still getting mixed messages from him too. I don't know how to explain the looks I get from him sometimes. Kinda like there's a secret between us or something. Of course, since nothings ever been verbalized (is that a word?), it could all be wishful thinking. Which is what's driving me crazy! If he shows up with a chic I'll be so sad!
But cute boy aside, tonight is kind of a big deal because its a big step for me in trying to not be so introverted. I even bought a new outfit yesterday - who needs groceries anyway? Alot of my clothes are kind of tight on me because of the weight I gained after I quit smoking, so I'll be alot more comfortable with clothes that fit right. Plus, tight clothing only emphasizes the fat! Oh, and I'm showing a little cleavage, which is my best asset.
I'm trying really hard not to slip into the self loathing mode. You know, the whole 'how could any guy possibly be interested in me? I'm so fat!'. I'm trying to convince myself I'm attractive 'as is'. I know some guys still find me attractive, its just never the right ones. It'll mean alot to me if I get some attention of the male persuasion tonight.
Guys in general aside, it'll be nice to socialize and feel liked (with all the bad luck I've had with female friends lately). Which is how this group usually makes me feel.
Oh well, wish me luck! I'm off to take a bubble bath and try to relaxe a litte.
-T
poster:TexasChic
thread:570521
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051021/msgs/570521.html