Posted by ClearSkies on October 17, 2005, at 22:41:39
In reply to October Is, ***trigger***, posted by AdaGrace on October 17, 2005, at 19:05:20
October is when I took my 2 month leave of absence from work. Sat around the house for 7 weeks and started to feel a little better during the 8th week, and then went back to work. I lasted another 3 months (barely) but not really.
October was when I realized how ill I had really become. Ill tempered, black with depression, red with anger and rage, purple with panic. More medications, different medications, different therapists, staying at home and unable to really do much beyond buy the groceries OR cook the food. Not both in the same day, not possible.
A year later and the depression is nowhere near as crushing. I can function almost as a Normal if I've done my meditation thoroughly. My anxiety has a life of its own. Flits in a couple of times a day, lands on my chest and gives my heart a squeeze and my stomach a lurch before it slowly gently fades,
Out of the equation now is the drinking that dogged me a year ago. A day or two sober followed by several carefully planned secret binges. Paid for in cash, from different stores, and hidden in various low profile spots in my closet. That part of me is gone.
AdaGrace, we have our October stories too. To share and remember and reflect on what has changed,
I'm still here for you.
poster:ClearSkies
thread:568272
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051015/msgs/568387.html