Posted by alesta on May 3, 2005, at 14:08:01
oh my god, i should've known this was going to happen. my mom and step-father just got back from their vacation and my mom just started abusing me...yelling at me..i'm shaking right now..this is worse than with my ex..she threatened to take me to a shelter and i told her i wanted to go..i don't think she will let me go..i would have to get her to drive me. my car has had numerous repairs recently and still isn't operable. all my stuff is still at my ex's, i don't have a job, oh my god..i have to get out of here. i'm scared my mom is going to destroy my soul.
about my mom, she has narcissitic personality disorder. i know it's not her fault that she has it, but she has seriously put me through hell. we didn't speak for a number of years and i recently reunited with her..i needed her..someone i can count on..but now i think that was a mistake.
she just left for a hair appointment and gets back in a couple hours..i have to figure out what i'm gonna do..if i go to the shelter i will have nothing to bring there..not even my own toothpaste, shampoo, etc..i almost don't even care. i am so tired of constantly dealing with cr*p in my life. the only reason i am still alive is b/c i don't want my mother, cruel as she is, to have to bear the pain of losing another child..how ironic that i'm staying alive for her when she is so unbelievably damaging to me..also, i don't want her to rub off on me and am scared to death that if i stay around her and her twisted mindset long enough that i will become like her..i know this is unrealistic but the fear is there and very strong in me..you'd have to be around a narcissist to understand how they mess with your mind..straight abuse and being yelled at i can take, but this warped twisted abuse is devastating..
being a good person is first and foremost the most important thing to me..anything that threatens that scares me..i have nothing..i just can't deal with all of this..i want to give up. of course i've said that for decades now. i think i was meant to suffer. i just want all of this to end. oh god i don't want her to get back.
i know some ppl have posted web sites or whatever for domestic violence shelters and wrote it down but lost it..i can't think right now i'm so distraught..does anyone know of the number or web site? i'm sorry for this lengthy post...god i feel hopeless..
amy
poster:alesta
thread:493159
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050503/msgs/493159.html