Posted by pinkeye on March 28, 2005, at 13:58:58
In reply to Re: tis been awhile » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on March 27, 2005, at 14:37:22
Well, since my post has caused so much of confusion, I think I should clarify what I meant by the sentence "it seems acceptable to me"
I don't have a hard stance one way or the other w.r.t affairs. Generally, I prefer no affairs. Personally, I think I would never ever have one myself, even if I lust someone out of my marriage. I always seem to be able to control myself very well - atleast in actions, if not in thoughts and feelings.
At the same time, I also can see very compelling situations people can be in sometimes, and how affairs might save their lives - in some cases even the marriage, or if it is the right thing to happen, or even dissolve a marriage which is not a right one to begin with.
AS with anything, it is a very subjective thing - you have to weigh in a lot of factors - how good both the husband and wife had been to each other, how long the affair was, was one of the spouses abusive to the other spouse which prompted this affair, was it just a one night temporary sexual fling, was there a pattern of cheating etc etc. If a person has an affair intending to hurt his or her partner, it would be really bad. If a person really is in a situation where he/she cannot help it and needs some vent and solace and sought it in an affair - like if one of the partners is constantly ill and the other spouse never has a satisfying sexual relationship and needs some temporary vent - that kind of thing seems ok to me.
Having a thoughtless affair just to satisfy your curiosity would be bad - but when you are so much caught in some situation and you need some vent to survive yourself - that seems ok.
I don't necessarily agree with the partner knowing everything. If my husband ends up having an affair, I would like if he keeps it to himself rather than come and tell me (unless of course if it is a long standing one and he wants to dissolve the marriage. I really wouldn't want to know if he has a one night stand somewhere - and expecting him to have taken care w.r.t STD s)
But these are all my mind talking. My heart might be different - I have never felt very possesive about my husband, but I have felt possesive about other people in my life and had I been married to one of them, an affair on their part might have just killed me. Maybe after a few years of marriage and some more emotional involvement in my marriage, I might end up taking the same stance with respect to my husband also.
poster:pinkeye
thread:475746
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20050316/msgs/476766.html