Posted by partlycloudy on January 5, 2005, at 20:02:02
i went to a dance class tonight, one i have been trying to go to for a year but kept chickening out. i used to love to dance. i used to be good at it. tonight i felt like i was back in high school phys ed class, right down to getting a headache halfway through. i am so clumsy, disoriented, not knowing left from right. i don't remember listening to the music. i couldn't smile. i could barely look at my image in the mirror that lines 2 of the 4 walls. all i saw was a dumpy frumpy sweaty unhappy woman who wished she hadn't come in the door.
where did my self confidence flee to? i can handle learning a new teacher's style, a roomful of women i don't know of varying degrees of ability. they were all friendly to me. i felt like i was a teenager again. awkward, without style nor substance, unformed. i wish i could enjoy myself. right now it seems like i have lost that skill in addition to knowing how to dance.i miss my old self. my tears are self pitying but mourning that woman whose courage came from a martini. 20 pounds lighter. my life was a mess but darn it i was a good dancer. now everything is a mess and i lost the joy too.
man i am bumming.
poster:partlycloudy
thread:438264
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041226/msgs/438264.html