Posted by Cass on December 27, 2004, at 20:07:15
I've been feeling really fragile for the last couple weeks. I'm sort of depressed, but it's more than that. I feel vulnerable. My husband and I haven't been getting along quite as well as usual, and I'm sure that's a huge part of it. There's somehow not as much emotional intimacy between us right now. I think I've been distant too. This isn't all his fault. There's also a stressful financial issue going on right now. I'm practically phobic of financial issues. Although I paid my own bills for most of my adult life, I'd always anxiety attacks about going into banks, and I'd avoid paying bills even when I had the money to pay simply because writing out a check was so stressful to me. It got easier when paying bills online became possible, but it was still stressful.
I'm really feeling like an emotional cripple right now, and I'm having lots of rescue fantasies. Does anyone else have those? I imagine I'm in a vulnerable or desperate situation (unlike the real one I'm in), and in this fantasy someone kind and sensitive who I admire or love comes to save me, or just expresses a lot of concern for me. Unfortunately the rescuer in my fantasies is not my husband. I retreat to these fantasies A LOT when I'm feeling down or vulnerable. I've been entrenched in my imagination lately.
I feel like I need some understanding and tenderness. I just haven't been getting it from my husband. I'm not saying we have a bad marriage or that we're breaking up. I just need a little more emotional support than I'm getting right now, and I'm probably not providing as much as I should be either.
I probably need to wake-up out of this self-pity, but I haven't been able to.
poster:Cass
thread:434745
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041226/msgs/434745.html