Posted by Gabbix2 on November 25, 2004, at 21:09:24
In reply to walking on red hot coals, posted by Jai Narayan on November 25, 2004, at 18:12:39
> I am walking on egg shells and red hot coals here on Psycho Babble.
> I just can't seem to settle down right now.
> Anger and frustration is taking hold of my emotions.
> I find it way too deliciously tempting to break the rules.
> I want to say things that are true, but risky on PB.
>
> I am angry about the rules.
> I guess we all go through this?
Oh yes, well many do. I used to ponder what I would say when I finally had my "babble breakdown"
> it almost seemed like they couldn't contain their desire to say things that are not acceptable under the rules of PB.
>When I first started posting here, the rules were still fairly flexible, and the different topics discussed were so interesting. Still people who had joined long before me would occasionally talk about the level of conversation on the board having taken a downturn.
I now see what they mean. It seems the more strict the rules are, the more people leave and the less I'm able to connect with the topics that are left being discussed. They just aren't my style for the most part. It makes me sad.
And I get nauseated too :) Like Alexandra said.
>
> Most people either get blocked or take a break.
> the problem is I love the people and see them as part of my life.
> The other problem is I can't seem to contain myself within the tight band of SUPPORT....
> SUPPORT ONLY.
>
> But now I want to dialogue with these incredible people on this site about what I am facing and struggling with but....
> I can't give it a voice.
> I have to stand mute.
> MUTE.Believe it or not I understand. I still have a hard time with one ancient incident that I had to stayed mute about lest my anger make me look foolish and ruin any point I had anyway.
At that time someone had been blocked for 8 weeks, for saying something that *triggered* someone else.
The irony of it was that I was so furious that she was silenced with a block
and that I couldn't speak that I was triggered!
It was the first time I'd self injured in a long time.. all that anger had to go somewhere.
Before then I used to always think that *trigger* stuff was a little overplayed, but I saw then how it can happen.>>
> As you could imagine I am quite confused.
> jai the mute.Yes I can imagine, it's really difficult to feel as if you are denying your principals, your integrity when that is your essence. I find that much easier to do when there is a lot of conversation which interests me going on, I can concentrate on that and it's enough to make it worthwhile, but lately I've not felt too much of that.
poster:Gabbix2
thread:420261
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041122/msgs/420308.html