Posted by corafree on October 25, 2004, at 22:42:40
Left empty winter home of my mother's, near my childrens' homes. At least, she used to be my m-o-t-h-e-r, I think?
I've returned to old place, where have lived alone for 8yrs.
Will go to DBT for therapy and group Weds, but not looking forward to it. I'm only in my first month, but already growing tired of it; leaving unconcerned about my blank mind.
Haven't unpacked (just pull things out if need); stuff strewn about randomly; looks like meth home; managed pay bills online; sent in my early ballot; not eating; ignoring phone calls (except from children); bored; don't 'care' about home or body; brushed my teeth first time in too many days; don't go anywhere; dishes in sink from 1+ weeks; look forward to silly things like a TV show or a cigarette.
Where'd clean me in clean rental go?I grieve my father's passing (now 8 months) daily.
I know what decompensation feels like, and that's not how I'm feeling.
AWAKEN IN PANIC ATTACKS with rapid heartbeat, hyperventilation; lasts hours. Cannot (haven't in years; may be trazodone) recall dreams or nightmares.
Finally got, how I've been doin' last couple weeks (time period sketchy), posted to you, and, to me.
Not seeking attn or crying wolf.
Beautiful, well-intentioned, would tell me if I had a boo*er on my nose, to the point, artistic, dreamers, planners, searchers, sneakers, cautious, believers, risk takers, guides, hold your owns, tks for any ... cf
p.s. I am not seeking attn or crying wolf, really!
poster:corafree
thread:407248
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20041016/msgs/407248.html