Posted by Atticus on August 27, 2004, at 19:53:39 [reposted on August 30, 2004, at 2:51:30 | original URL]
In reply to Hey Atticus check out B2 and Scott in Vermont, posted by Jai Narayan on August 27, 2004, at 14:57:28
I know, and I'm just not sure how to respond. Twice now I've written extensive messages in Psycho-Babble and Social to two other posters who were also talking about suicide, trying everything to pull them away from the edge of the cliff. One, I couldn't seem to reach at all. I thought the other person was responding after we exchanged extensive posts, but then last night I read her latest post and she seemed to be right back where she started. I'm at a loss. It's really a source of pain that I can't figure out how to do more. But I guess even being a survivor of a suicide attempt (gruesomely detailed in "Spots," which I wrote in the hope that it would make some people think twice) doesn't give me any special powers of communication. Even I don't know why I went through with it this past spring and not earlier; I'm looking for answers as much as anyone. I haven't responded to their posts only because I don't know what to say except "Don't do it. I tried it, and it's not going to be the gentle passage into that good night you think it will. Please go right to an ER and allow yourself to be voluntarily admitted before they wheel you in like me." But that strategy just hasn't borne fruit. I haven't come away from the experience with any special wisdom to offer; just some nasty scars on my arm and an intense will to live. I still have down days, but the suicidal ideation that was such a huge part of my life for so long is just not there anymore, and I hope things stay that way. I guess I speak best and most honestly in poetry; if that doesn't click with someone, I'm not sure what to do. I just don't want to post something to them that somehow pushes the wrong buttons. (I feel like I did when Pez asked me to talk to Walter, and I messed up the whole thing so badly.) But you're right, they seem to be feeding off each other's deep, deep sadness. I'll take a crack at it. Atticus
poster:Atticus
thread:384005
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/384006.html