Posted by zenhussy on August 27, 2004, at 13:28:45
In reply to Re: SCOTT SCOTT SCOTT SCOTT: SCOTT, posted by Susan47 on August 27, 2004, at 10:55:15
> This is hurting me. Stop it.
From the FAQ http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#suicidal :
How should I respond to a poster who's suicidal?
To quote from below, this is a toughie. I think this is a good discussion of the issues, however:I think all we can do is be supportive of that person with words. Having been in similar situations in the past, I've found that type of support helps me hang on until I can get real help.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/232914.htmlMixed bag, I'm afraid. Many will actually be crying out for attention while others are crying wolf. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes, and there lies the rub. When do we take it seriously enough to act upon someone's statements? I have seen it go both ways. Personally, I would err on the side of caution, and would reach out to someone with suicidal ideations posted (even in veiled terms) on this board.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/232994.htmlI feel like all I *can* say to support someone here who is suicidal is "Go get help." I don't think this board is equipped to do more than that. Mostly, I think people can share their struggles with suicidal feelings and get a lot of support here, but it will never be the kind of support that will keep them safe when they cannot keep themselves safe. But I think sometimes the crying out process can be very frustrating to others if the person rejects help or returns in a better mood as though nothing happened. All of which can cause serious compassion fatigue, I think. And I don't necessarily judge anyone who does any of those things as a bad person or anything, and I tend to see this kind of behavior as a symptom of how distressed they really must be, which breaks my heart! But the behavior also does have the potential to anger me, maybe because it seriously pushes my own helplessness buttons. And break my heart though it might, I might have to withdraw from a discussion if this happens because I can't let my own inner resources be depleted.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/233022.htmlI guess I've always thought, if not here then where? Obviously if someone is in imminent danger, they should seek real life help. But sometimes maybe they need a bit of a reality check, or validation, or something that they should do that. I know that I would be hesitant to present myself at my emergency room door, no matter what my condition, because I would have this desire not to make a big fuss. As far as [crying wolf] is concerned, it's part of the illness just as much as suicide attempts are. Just because something feels manipulative doesn't mean the attempt is to manipulate. Or rather, I accept Marsha Linehan's view of suicidal behaviors. It may be the only way a person knows of asking for what they want or need. My own decision about what to do to protect myself is to realize my limitations. There are only a very few people here who I have any possibility of physically helping. And on a forum like this, suicidal crises will occur from time to time. It's scary because I would hate to say anything that might make matters worse. But I have absolutely no expectations that anything I say could make matters better. I just don't have that power. And not saying anything is an action as well. So, since I wish to participate here, I just have to hope for the best, but remove myself from it a bit emotionally. Accept my impotence. Even find safety in my impotence. Extend a hand, maybe, but feel no responsibility if it isn't taken. That's my own way of making it possible to participate here. Others have their own ways.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/233048.htmlSpeaking from my own experience of chronic suicidal ideation, and the times I've posted here about wanting to die, what I want back is an acknowledgement that other people feel that way too and have survived, and reminders that it is probably a temporary situation (that it feels so intense). And, some people express caring thoughts and wishes, and that helps too. As someone else said, one gets a feel on the board for the real deal sometimes. And at that time the only thing I'd say is "go get help in real time." I also like the term "compassion fatigue" because that is a real phenomenon that makes me look at suicidal messages very cautiously.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/233113.htmlThis is a toughie. Everyone has weighed in with quite thoughtful responses. For some this is it. This is their last cry for help and for those posters who are mentally and emotionally up to supporting a suicidal poster then great. But to expect miracles to occur if someone is intent on killing themselves is just draining to the entire community. Those that are not up to supporting suicidal posters need to recognize their own needs and take care of themselves. Yes it can bring up feelings of helplessness, anger or resentment but those feelings can be dealt with in another thread or in e-mail or through another avenue of support. No one is forced to read any threads on this board. And if suicidal posters are too triggering then avoid those posts at all costs. If one is in the position to offer up support to a suicidal poster then they can only type in information. Many here have been suicidal just once and others have suicidal thoughts daily but just have learned not to act on them. There is a plethora of sympathy and empathy for being in that horrible place where death seems like the correct and only answer. The people who post to suicidal posters are trying to bring a glimmer of light back into the darkness that has closed in on one of us.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/233185.htmlFor myself, I might just not reply. Especially if I see others who are replying supportively. I just bow myself out of it because that might be what I need to do. But I agree, it would not, IMHO, be appropriate to reply angrily, even if this is how I felt. I have seen people, a couple of times, however, once the crisis seemed over, post frankly, but supportively, with people about the frustration of wanting to help but feeling like they are both asking for help and pushing it away, and that other people weren't sure what to do about that. But that is different than reacting angrily to posts.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/233241.htmlWe all are entitled to feel as we feel. Some people get angry, some get reminded of previous losses we have endured and get very sad, others still when faced with a truly pained suicidal post are forced to face that darkness within themselves. Some of us have attempted suicide and when reading about another in that deep dark hopeless crushing place it can be too triggering to one's own memories of their experiences.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030604/msgs/233307.htmlSusan,
Perhaps looking at how your involvement here is affecting you might be useful for your own well being.
Two excerpts from my posts are in the above faq about how to respond to a poster who is suicidal.
I would amend my words now as I've watched too many suicides play out on this board to engage in it any longer.
Dr. Hsiung is the final authority as to what happens on his board. If someone pleads for help and Dr. Hsiung doesn't contact the ISP in time or what have you it falls on his shoulders.
NEVER EVER should any poster here feel responsible for the life of another!!!!!!!!!
If that is the case then there is something terribly wrong with the support environment that has been crafted here. Take up your concerns with the administration.
Take care of yourself first as nobody else here is going to step in and do that for you............just as no on can step in for Scott or B2C.
I wish you peace and hope you contact your own support team so that you are well taken care of.
--zh
poster:zenhussy
thread:382613
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040820/msgs/383015.html