Posted by Emme on June 29, 2004, at 16:27:05
In reply to No luck in my search » Emme, posted by Racer on June 29, 2004, at 13:32:17
Hi Racer,
> Emme, I couldn't find either of them.
Thanks so much for looking. That's really nice.
> They both said about the same thing, though: don't ask if a person is a happy person, ask if that person had a happy life. Again, they don't help me when it's so dark inside me that I can't see any light, but when I'm in that middle state where you're not really *actively* depressed, but you're certainly not satisfied or happy with anything, I can look at that and be reminded that my immediate state is not permanent. Does that make any sense to you?
Well, sort of. But I worry that because I can't derive pleasure from my memories, and I'm so lost and have stopped really living, that the cumulative effect is a life of unfulfilled potential and little real "living". Added up over enough time, that's not a happy life.
> It probably doesn't help much, since I'm Racer and not Pope or someone else with that sort of ability with words, but the idea does help me. It helps me remember that, while today -- this minute -- I may not be *actively* happy, I have had happy moments, and am likely to have more in the future. That it's the overall picture that counts, not the individual brush strokes.
Your words are just fine! :) Do you actually get any pleasure or satisfaction from remembering the happy moments you've had? I don't seem to get any satisfaction from anything in my past. My T thinks it's a depression-induced filter.
> Also, Emme, I think it might be worth taking to your doctor about this, too. I know that some anti-depressants can cause a sort of overall emotional decrease for some people. If you're taking a med that is doing something like that for you, changing to another med might help.I was thinking about that very same thing. I've got evil brain fog too. I haven't been on any SSRIs or any other regular ADs except for a recent 4 week trial of SJW. I somehow don't think the Lamictal is doing it. I don't think the Lamictal is doing the brain fog either. Xanax? I hope not. I like the xanax. I'm trying SAM-e, but this way predates that. So I don't know. Maybe it's a product of stress and remaining depression. Maybe I'm battle-weary.
> Best luck, Emme, and I do hope it gets better for you soon.
Thanks! I appreciate that. Actually, the last 2 days haven't been great. Suicidal thoughts have wiggled back into the foreground. Ya know, it's kind of like they have a life of their own. I'm convinced that suicidal thoughts progress from being a part of depression to becoming their own phenomenon and they poke back up when my resistance slides. I'm going to see my pdoc tomorrow. She is Dr. Optimism. I'm hoping for a better second half of the week.
Hope you're doing okay yourself.
Emme
poster:Emme
thread:361204
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040626/msgs/361711.html