Posted by Scott in Vermont on June 18, 2004, at 9:36:31
In reply to Re: Freeform Thoughts, posted by TexasChic on June 18, 2004, at 8:45:54
Oh trust me, I know I need help. And a lot of it. Today I am flying so high that I feel like I could single-handedly rebuild the ruins of Ancient Greece with a hammer, a chisel, and a lot of marble. I'm going a million miles per hour and I am the happiest man on the face of the earth. I had sex 4 times last night and again once this morning. This is the other side of the depression I was going through just a few days ago. And while I like this a WHOLE lot better, I know what it is and what it is doing to me and what it really means... I'm not "better" because I'm in a good mood, I'm actually just as messed up as I was a few days ago, except now the only danger I'm in is driving 140 mph instead of hiding in a dark closet with a .45.
I'm 100% GO GO GO DO DO DO today. I finished all of my morning work by 10 am, usually that takes me until 11 at least. I'm looking for other projects to do. I'm so bored that I feel like I could scream, because I have to have SOMETHING to do (and the company is cracking down on Internet use, otherwise I'd respond to ever single thread on Babble).
I know this isn't right. It's funny, 3 days ago I wanted a lightining bolt to come from a clear blue sky and strike me dead, and today I want that same bolt to TRY and take me out! I'd wrassle that thing and tie it into a knot and then plug it in to my fuse box in the basement and run my house on free power for a year. HA!
Yeah, I know I'm not where I need to be right now. My pdoc is going to be taking an awful lot of notes on Tuesday.
In fact, I think I'll write them for him, right now. :)
How can I slow down? I don't want to be like this. I mean, it kicks butt over a few days ago, but I don't want to be like this. I feel like I could fistfight a biker gang and win. I feel like I could star in 20 porno movies and do all the "scenes" in one day. I feel like I could cut my winter's firewood this afternoon. Rationally, I know I can't do those things and I really shouldn't even try, but I WANT to! I want to go bungee jumping RIGHT NOW! But then again, hitch hiking to Montreal sounds like a lot of fun. And don't even get me on a motorcycle. My Volvo is bad enough. Go go go do do do... the rapid and extreme cycles of Scott, right here for your viewing pleasure!
I just want to be normal again. To smile for a reason, and cry for a reason. This last few weeks has really beaten me up.
Gah. I want a cigarette.
I'm not drinking any coffee today, that's for sure.
My thoughts are becoming more scattered. I'm going to go and hope that I find a work-related project to focus on. I go to lunch in an hour. I think I'll pay my bills. I get to see the kids tonight, so I need to calm down between now and then.
Yep, it's been a hell of a week, eh?
poster:Scott in Vermont
thread:356864
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/357756.html