Posted by ramsea on June 17, 2004, at 5:39:32
I am the sort of person sometimes called a dark horse. First impression leads them to think one thing, over time they come to be surprised, I am not dopey and dumb and a walkover. By that time I don't want to be friends with the people who had such a low opinion of me for so long. This happens as a pattern since childhood. I had to move around a lot, and I got sick of trying too hard to get people to like me. So I just was myself, which is naturally kind of quirky. When I was considered a very attractive young lady it was easy to make friends and boy friends for awhile, but it was my looks they liked, not my bipolar/asperger self that I am. You'd think I might understand all this after such a long time, but it still causes hard feelings. I can't handle the stress of friends because I am not sure even now exxactly how to do it, and I am sad for being such a friendless wonder. I do have qualities to offer people, I can bevery generous, I read widely and have knowledge on a fair amount of topics, I am not aggresive except in a meltdown wher I am hitting walls but it's more like a toddler's tantrum, I am not a gossip and keep confidences forever. I am not too good at smalltalk, butI can pass. I don't know why I am writing this now, it seems pointless.
poster:ramsea
thread:357478
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/357478.html