Posted by AuntieMel on May 24, 2004, at 15:41:42
In reply to I NEED major help!!!!, posted by Sebastian on May 21, 2004, at 17:32:46
If you don't mind the opinion of an old broad...
First of all, you might want to start referring to it as "meeting" not "picking up" though picking up is what is more likely to happen in American bars than Canadian.
And bars are where you might find more 'forward' women, a terrifying thing to a social phobe.
So - the question is what to do instead of a bar. There are many options. Take a class. Volunteer someplace like an animal shelter or a zoo. Look for places where you might have a common interest; that will help promote conversation.
Shyness can be a positive instead of a negative. It implies a level of vulnerability to others, which should help with trust. People are much more inclined to trust those that they don't find threatening.
As a female social phobe, I found that the best way for me to get someone interested was to do a lot of listening, adding an occasional comment to keep them going. This, for me, was also the easiest thing to do - I could listen all day but until I got to know someone would freeze when I needed to speak.
The worse thing that could happen is you would gain another friend.
As for the fear of taking advantage - that is a well grounded fear. There might be some that you run into that are happy with a one-nighter, but for the most part I think it is probably a bad idea. Two things to ask yourself 1) How would I feel if someone did this to me, and 2) How guilty about this will I feel later. Often, depressives don't need anything extra to feel guilty about.
poster:AuntieMel
thread:349353
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040517/msgs/350193.html