Posted by Penny on April 26, 2004, at 14:03:00
In reply to Mother Question - Was I Right or Was I Wrong?, posted by Susan J on April 26, 2004, at 13:34:34
You ABSOLUTELY have the right to stand up for yourself, regardless of WHOSE house you are in. You are NOT 10 years old anymore - you are an adult, and you don't have to take that kind of verbal abuse, which, Susan, is what that is. I know b/c my dad does the same thing.
My recommendation? Next time, if that happens again, leave. Just walk out. Because it's unacceptable behavior on her part. Yes, she has a right as a human being to express her frustration, whether in her house or not. But she does NOT have a right to belittle you (saying you were stupid, etc.).
Repeat after me: My mother does NOT have a right to belittle me in any way. I am NOT a child anymore! I don't have to take this anymore!
I have what I call my "24-hour-rule" with my father, Susan. The first 24 hours I spend with him (after not seeing him for a long while) is like the "honeymoon phase", meaning he refrains from hurtful remarks. However, as soon as that first 24 hours has passed, my father seems to change into another person - he feels a need to berate and belittle me. Well, after an argument a few years ago that left me feeling hurt and angry, I decided that I can't spend more than 24 hours at a time with my father. Which means I don't visit my parents, except for day trips. Fortunately, I don't live near them, so I have plenty of excuses for not visiting. But I talk to them on the phone.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I can totally relate - I've been told I'm "too sensitive" more times than I can count. Crying or feeling hurt when I was yelled at by my parents was unacceptable.
Anyway - as an adult, Susan, you certainly have the right to ask your mother to not yell at you. It is a matter of respect. If you show your mother respect, she should show you respect in return. If she refuses, you don't have to put up with that. You can tell her matter-of-factly, in a respectful way, that you feel she is disrespecting you by speaking to you in that manner and that she can express her frustration without yelling, or you will leave. And then follow through.
But don't allow your mom to continue treating you like a child (not that parents should speak to their children that way, regardless of their ages).
P
poster:Penny
thread:340233
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040422/msgs/340247.html