Posted by spoc on April 20, 2004, at 10:45:09
In reply to Re: Well, here's the facts » spoc, posted by Dinah on April 19, 2004, at 19:30:52
> So, where are your symptom overlaps?
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I am still pretty much uncharted territory, ridiculously. Have never stuck with therapy. But seems it would be said: varying depression/dysthmia; OCD tending towards overfocus, compulsions & time wasting; *possible* adult ADD, although I think that was a hasty "why not" dx (definitely never fit the childhood symptoms)... So, I say "overlap" because I don't know what comes from what. I am driven to be alone yet have no phobia or aversion; so is it indeed social phobia, or is it just the depression, or is it avoidant, I don't know. I think waaaaayyyyy too much but it's often not exactly worry, it's too many thoughts/factors occuring to me all at once to be able to act or make decisions. So is that OCD or ADD? Or indecisiveness/procrastination due to depression? I lock onto compulsions like a pit bull and can't stop (i.e., Internet!!!), so is that OCD, addictive behavior, avoidant behavior, irresponsibility??? Am I depressed because of *or* due to X, Y, and Z; which leads to wanting to be alone because I'm so not proud of myself? It's more a which-came-first, chicken or egg matter. But clearly, bottom line is probably "*GET THEE TO A THERAPIST*" to sort it out.
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> But even so I'm aware that my feelings are irrational. > > Yet I'm equally positive that they're spot on the money and I'm completely correct to protect others from myself (and myself from others).> Dratted dichotomies!>---
We are kind of opposite with the reprehensible-in-person vs. reprehensible-in-writing fears! I'm told I can be very self-deprecating, including in person, although I have often thought I was just doing a good neurosis-as-humor routine! But anyway I guess this shows I too feel I can be a burden and must qualify or add value to my presence at least. But funny, for me my feeling that I should spare others from myself comes more in writing. Every time I hit 'submit' and post anything anywhere, or click off an email to someone I don't know well, I reel with worry and regret. "Why why why, what was I thinking, who am I to say or ask!!!" And then sit back and expect to see repulsed responses coming in -- or none! (Even though I think with the right meds to help focus/channel/truncate me, I feel writing may be one of my best hopes as a skill.)---
> ...I'm also not much in real life like I am in writing.---
I often wonder about the kind of thing you're expressing there; whether in reality it still pans out to us simply not being comfortable enough with someone yet. I know some say that different brain hemispheres are in use and that makes a difference. But beyond that, I wonder what the difference could be once we've gotten to know a given person. I start to think, agreed -- I can often be animated in writing when in person I am very down or irritable and feeling worthless. Or, not capable of being clear or creative in speech. But then I ask myself -- if even at those moments, I were with my most comfortable, "old-pair-of-shoes" friend and we were just watching movies and laying around, could the "light side" of my misery indeed emerge? And yes, I think it could. Meaning, in that way, company/more company could be good if I gave it a chance... So may be true for you also? BUT it's hard to differentiate my co-existing drive to be alone a lot from the true results of the "test" referred to here. So there's the overlap again!Whew, anyway, hope today is a better day for you than you said yesterday was, and heck -- throw in tomorrow and a few other days too! :- )
poster:spoc
thread:337434
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040414/msgs/338063.html