Posted by spoc on April 7, 2004, at 22:25:48
In reply to Re: on men,, posted by Dinah on April 7, 2004, at 18:28:19
> I'm an absolute sucker for integrity and honor. The sexiest thing I've ever seen... tons of intelligence, a great sense of humor, and oodles and oodles of honor and integrity.>
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Boy, I hear you on that Dinah! When I was in my teens and twenties, I was typically susceptible to the hotties. But then I stumbled into my first "accidental" relationship with someone who wouldn't have been my physical type otherwise, but who I got to know only because he was my dorm room neighbor. Exceptional honor and intelligence, and priorities. Knew when to work and when to play, and had friends of all types and was loads of fun when he did play. But whenever his commitment to doing exceptionally well dictated it, in the wee hours of many a Saturday night (morning), he'd be lugging his backpack full of books home from studying in an empty classroom on campus as the rest of us were slithering in from parties.He had such a deep sense of peace from his values, which he didn't need to rub in anyone's face. He could get along with most everyone, accept them and put them at ease; but sometimes later he'd say something that reflected to me the parts of it all that he felt were fine for someone else, but that would feel too empty to him if allowed into his own life. Like things about the love 'em and leave 'em lifestyle all around us, or forgetting your roots, or neglecting family.
I found that after that relationship, my attraction began to truly *follow* making a connection to someone's cerebral, honorable and insightful side (lots of wit and silliness too, mind you). Rather than being physically attracted first and then hoping for the best. No hotties ever got through to me based only on looks ever again (which would sometimes irritate them greatly). All the way around it was a fabulous lesson I learned, but it was luck too in a way because one probably can't set out to change what turns them on on a visceral level. With me, some link was naturally broken and readjusted.
Now, don't anyone who simply enjoys "lite" interactions too be offended, I'm only talking about qualities that may strike as heralding The One (if more foundation and purpose is what you crave, as it was for me). : )
poster:spoc
thread:333140
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040406/msgs/333931.html