Posted by Camille Dumont on March 27, 2004, at 15:55:41
In reply to Re: A side of myself that scares me, posted by Poet on March 27, 2004, at 14:59:31
Thanks everybody for your gentle words. In a way I guess I'm ok with the thought of helping her pass ... like getting her to the vet, like taking care of her its sort of part of the deal with animal ownership. I just can't fathom how vets and people at hs can do somethign like that on a daily basis can manage.
I was also afraid because with rats, you can't give injections so some vets do an intracardiac injection and refuse to gas them first ... and sometimes they miss and the stuff ends up in lungs or some other organs so their death is very painfull.
I guess in a way it freaked me that I could actually do it ... while it happened, I felt like stopping maybe oh ... 100 times.
Its so strange that for someone who has been and still sometimes is very much suicidal, stopping the suffering of an animal would be so hard. I mean why was it so hard to convince me to apply the same rationale that I did for myself when I wanted to die? I don't know, perhaps its because the reason I got rats in the first place was to give me something to hold on to when I felt suicidal.
I still haven't been able to bury her ... the ground is still too frozen here but hopefully when that is done I will feel better about it. Right now its just eery ... I see her casket in my freezer every time I open it ... sort of freaky. In a way it makes me feel the same as when my neighbor comitted suicide. I didn't really know him but it freaked me every time I passed beside his appartment.
poster:Camille Dumont
thread:328660
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/329159.html