Posted by tabitha on March 7, 2004, at 13:06:57
In reply to frustrated trying to help strangers (strategies?), posted by cybercafe on March 7, 2004, at 4:38:54
It *is* frustrating to feel you know with certainty what would help someone, and they just don't seem to want to listen. I tried to be med crusader a couple of times but stopped pretty quickly, because it was making *me* feel bad that people wouldn't take my advice. For instance, I met a guy in a support group (not mental health related) who talked at length about his depression. His dress, expression, and body language just screamed depression. It was almost painful to look at. I almost wanted to leave the room when he shared, because he talked a lot out of that depressed distorted place, and had no awareness that it was the depression talking. He said he 'couldn't take meds' because he was chemically sensitive. I thought, OK, this is just a simple matter of education. I took him aside and told him my story, of how long it took me to find good enough meds, how much of a difference it made, and tried to explain to him that having a bad reaction to one or two meds doesn't mean you won't be able to tolerate any of them. Did his eyes light up with new understanding? Did he rush out and try med after med until finding the right one? No, of course not. He's still carrying heavy depression around with him, believing that he 'can't take meds'. I don't understand it. My therapist suggested he might just have a psychological resistance to changing.
Now he's dating a friend of mine. That adds a new frustration for me. She seems to think he and I share the same issues. I think No way!, there's a world of difference between depressed and off meds and depressed but doing OK on meds. It's like alcoholic still drinking vs alcoholic sober. Yup, I guess my pride gets involved. I do not like being lumped in with someone who won't get treatment. I want to start crusading to her, since she also buys his belief that he 'can't tolerate chemicals'. So far I've resisted.
Then last spring I dated a guy who was depressive. At first I thought it seemed mild, and wasn't overly concerned that he wasn't on meds, but as I got to know him I could see he was struggling a lot, and had the black distorted thoughts that made it difficult to relate to him, and I learned he was having suicidal ideation. His resistance had to do with not believing in 'Western medicine'. In fact, in his world view, 'Western medicine' was this huge evil. He wouldn't even take an aspirin when he had a pulled muscle. Instead he took some homeopathic remedy that did nothing, and laid around suffering for several days. Once again I tried doing a little educating. I was a bit more cautious this time, but I told him that having suicidal thoughts was evidence of pretty serious depression, and he really might benefit from meds. I suggested he could just try them for a while, and if he didn't like how he felt, he could go off them and nothing would be lost. He said well, he hadn't killed himself for all these years, so he was fine. Turned out he was having suicidal thoughts for years. Well.. that guy eventually tried a med trial as part of a study, since he had no health insurance and couldn't afford to pay for treatment. The study had him on some huge dosage, like 3x normal dose, that gave him lots of side effects. I told him a doctor would normally work to reduce side effects, but he said the study told him they wanted him to stay on the high dose so he could report the side effects for their study. So naturally he came away with a negative idea of meds, and went off the study as early as possible. Again, I started to take it a little personally that he wouldn't listen to my advice. He wouldn't accept my expertise as the experienced psych med patient that I am. Harrumph!
So I don't understand when people won't take advice about meds. But then, I think of all the good advice people have given me that I've pooh-poohed, and it makes a little more sense. Dinah made a good point, we can get really zealous about meds, since we know what a difference they made for us, but bringing that to other people is probably not very appealing to them. I know I'm not very receptive to anyone who's had a religious conversion and is eager to sign me up for the same path. People have to find their own paths.
poster:tabitha
thread:321503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040305/msgs/321632.html