Posted by Dinah on March 7, 2004, at 9:40:35
In reply to frustrated trying to help strangers (strategies?), posted by cybercafe on March 7, 2004, at 4:38:54
Chuckle.
Perhaps you just need to accept that you can't help people more than they want to help themselves.
And perhaps that a whole lot of zeal can be offputting? That can be true with religion. And that can be true with mental health. There have been people who have come here absolutely certain that they have "the answer" to mental health problems and are absolutely eager to save the rest of us. And that rarely works. That's just a purely pragmatic assessment.
I'm guessing that zeal and absolute certainty work best when people come to you, not when you come to them. You know, like the charismatic preacher at a revival meeting is highly effective. But if the same man came to your front door or a party, it doesn't work the same.
On the other hand, my old church used to make missionaries of everyone. The advice was to live positive lives, be warm and friendly to all. And people will want to know how you came to be that way, and then you can let them know what brings you peace in life.
The people at support groups are most likely looking first and foremost for support. And oddly enough, support sometimes first means acceptance of them as they are. And then quietly showing by example that there is a road to the other side, and then letting them know what road you took, and how helpful you found it. And then, hardest of all, accepting that they might want to take a different road and wishing them the best and offering them support on their journey. Even if you think it's the wrong road. And if you think it's such a wrong road that you can't offer them support, that's ok, but you probably can't hit them with a lead pipe and drag them to your psychiatrist anyway. :)
It's great that you want to help others. But it *is* hard to help strangers because you don't know how best to reach them. Maybe you can become their friends first?
poster:Dinah
thread:321503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040305/msgs/321546.html