Posted by Ilene on January 19, 2004, at 13:52:49
In reply to Bad day : (, posted by All Done on January 19, 2004, at 12:59:36
> I hope you don’t mind if I rant for a bit, but yesterday I got a phone call from my mom. A few months ago she said some things that hurt me beyond my wildest dreams. It devastated me and could have destroyed my family (me, my husband, and our son). I have been having a very difficult time dealing with it all. I’ve had to distance myself from her like I’ve never done before and it has me so torn I don’t know what to do. Some days, I just despise her and think I never want to see her again. Other days, I miss her terribly.
>
> Yesterday she called and reverted back to her old ways of crying on my shoulder and complaining about every little thing under the sun. (Unfortunately, we lost my dad just over a year ago, too.) Everything has always been only about her, but I can’t stand to have it that way, anymore. I’ve never had boundaries with her before, but I think I need them now more than ever. How do I go about putting them in place after 31 years of having none? And why does she think we can just forget about what happened and go back to the way things were?
>
> Sorry to be so down, but it’s just been a rough day for me. Thanks for listening.
>
> All Done
>I think my psychiatric problems are genetic, coming from my mother's side of the family. She may or may not have been clinically depressed, but she certainly had an anxiety disorder. She was emotionally abused by her mother, too. I don't think she had much insight into herself.
My mother was extremely critical, and I was (am) extremely sensitive to criticism. A bad combination.
I try to do the best I can with my kids, but I don't act like "normal" people. I think I'm doing a better job than my mom did with me, but my depression, anxiety, chronic fatique, and other problems make it impossible for me to be like other moms.
Coming back to your post--your mother may not be aware of the effect her behavior has on other people, or she may not be in enough control of her own behavior to stop herself from saying hurtful things. It might be easier to distance yourself from her if you consider those things.
Ilene
poster:Ilene
thread:302766
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040109/msgs/302794.html