Posted by Karen_kay on January 6, 2004, at 22:33:16
In reply to Re: Still ranting » Karen_kay, posted by socialdeviantjeff on January 6, 2004, at 17:27:55
If a person comes across as aloof, judgemental, rude etc. I will reciprocate and add to that.
*If a person comes across that way to me I am sad. It honestly makes me sad and hurts my feelings. If I have to a stranger, which I do often or smile and they don't smile or wave back, it breaks my heart :( I think that sometimes to some people I may appear to come across that way, like to my friends, but I tend to tell it like it is. But, I love meeting strangers.. Honestly! I just think that everyone has a story to tell. That's why I want to do documentaries on "everyday people." I'm not interested in what JLo had for breakfast, I'm interested in what Socialdeviantjeff did this morning. And what his life has been like. That's what fascinates me.. How people cope and make it through the things they do, not how they dance or record albums, but how they manage to hold their lives together and raise a beautiful daughter! It's the little things in life that are important, like going to the park with your children, and acing a final, and that tough therapy session.. Things like that... I guess there's a reason that people come across as aloof and there's a reason that some people always wave at strangers... I want to know why!!!
If a person comes across as animated, friendly, interested etc. I wonder what is wrong with them. I'll probably be aloof or rude.
*If I met you, you might make me cry. And that's a task! I would be interested and it woudl be genuine, I assure you. Some people are interested in others and it TRULY is not fake or a ploy! I'm one of those people. My friend who goes grocery shopping with me often always makes fun of me.. I always have my coffee with me, I can't go anywhere without coffee :) And I always talk to strangers, ALWAYS! And I'm truly interested. I wouldn't bother to talk to them if I wan't. I just feel like that's why I'm here, to make connections with people. If I'm in a good mood and can spread it around, why not? I've spent quite a bit of time in a foul mood, so I make the best of my time that I have when I'm in a good mood. I'm not talking to people to "poke fun" or to "get something out of it" other than good conversation and to gain some insight. I guess maybe I am being selfish then. But, I think it is benefiting both of us.
Concerning your anxiety, I wish I could offer more than just empathy. I do know what you're going through and I hope someday it gets better.
*I figured out today where my anxiety is coming from. I had a therapy session and together we figured it out. It stems from something that I have been avoiding for a while and I need to deal with, but I just don't want to.... I have to but I just don't want to, you know? It's tough stuff man! And empathy works! I appreciate it!
The way I see it, strangers as a general rule will just lie, cheat, misdirect, use and generally screw with you or pity you. I will not allow that to happen by opening up even just a little bit. Besides, I'm not much of a prize myself. The only times this doesn't happen is when the person is paid to be nice and not screw with you. Or interacts with you in a situational contest where these behaviors are out of the question. For example, a doctor, counselor, a customer service person. There are a few, and I mean few genuine people out there, but you have to sift through a lot of garbage to find them. It's not worth it.
**I have a friend who also thinks this way. I don't pity people I talk to. I learn from their experiences. I have compassion for them (which I guess is similar to pity) but I don't pity them. We have to learn from each other. I think that is very important. Back to my friend. She's always talking about how she doesn't even care to know anyone. She has enough friends and everyone else can just kiss off, she says. But how can she learn new things and experiences if she doesn't talk to new people? When I hear stories of human suffering, I don't pity that person. I don't feel sorry for them. I want to learn from them. I wish I could BE that strong, to survive like s/he did! I mean, look at you! Look at how far you've come! You're holding it together, and doing so well! It makes me feel so great to hear about people who are out there making things happen, like you! It's wonderful. Why in the world would anyone pity you? I look up to people who can hold it together, as I suspect everyone else does too...
<I don't think I'm your nemesis.
* I was just joking about that... You did pick up on my sense of humor, right? It is quite odd sometimes :) It's just funny that we think so differently..
poster:Karen_kay
thread:296586
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/297432.html