Posted by kara lynne on January 6, 2004, at 1:06:34
In reply to Re:correction/ zenhussy, posted by leo33 on January 6, 2004, at 0:04:11
Hi male,
You are welcome to interject your opinion, but I think this scenario is a bit different: Due to diabetes, a couple of head injuries and a psycho mother, my ex had almost no interest in sex. He also is a little 'famous' (among a particular circuit) and will have no problem finding some unknowing, very young girl to adore him. My ex exhibited evil behavior for which he has never apologized. If I wanted a relationship with someone I valued, that would be the first thing on my list, not parading my feathers around to taunt them--which seems to be his primary interest. He hurt me terribly, and he will not so much as acknowledge it. It is far more important that he deny it entirely, continue to make me wrong and see himself as a fallen, misunderstood hero. It is almost imperative for the survival of his ego to believe that. If he ever wanted a relationship with *me*, he would have had to become accountable. He would have had to have at least a desire for self -awareness, and an understanding about the laws of cause and effect that he instead does everything to avoid. If he had even given me a glimmer of such an intention I would have come back so fast it would make your head spin. But he doesn't want a relationship with me--like fallsfall says, he does everything for himself.If he had ever been a good friend, or exhibited the qualities of a true partner maybe I could maintain a friendship. I kept the door open for months after we broke up, waiting for him to say something meaningful instead of giving me this passive, defeatist, self-serving drivel that always ended up being one more excuse for why he 'couldn't (fill in the blank....show up, keep a commitment, make a commitment). He paraded this all as his undying love for me, but curiously it was a love he could do nothing to save. Meanwhile, he has moved into a posh house, had an awesome 'spiritual' awakening and transformed himself physically--the latter being something I tried to help him with for years. (At the expense of my own sexuality I might add, which I can only hope will not be permanantly damaged from this experience). But despite all this grand posturing he has done nothing, not one thing, for us; to stand behind what it would really mean to love me like he says he does. In the immortal words of Gabbix's friend, 'love is a verb'. He would rather sigh and indulge himself in fatalism then do the smallest thing in his his power to make it work.
Two last things...I still think about the boyfriends I had 20 years ago. I still wouldn't say I was completely over one of them. So the idea that women get over relationships more quickly than men is certainly not true in my case. I have had more pain in this last relationship to last me a lifetime, if I never see him again.
And finally, if I could replace a man at the drop of a hat I would have done so long ago. Maybe it's not always as easy as you think it is for us.
Well leo, are you sorry you posted yet? I hope not. You seem like decent man, trying to say what's true for himself. Thanks for that.
poster:kara lynne
thread:296579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/296998.html