Posted by Larry Hoover on October 25, 2003, at 7:39:44
In reply to People's Motivations » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on October 23, 2003, at 11:02:15
> Hello, Larry,
>
> >>That's her reward, your emotion.
> <<Maybe you can help me with this one. I know we are all social creatures and we have a basic need to interact with others. But I *don't* understand a person who *needs* to elicit bad reactions from another person, or *needs* to make someone feel bad, or anything negative like that. I don't understand the thought process going on.Same process as yours, just influenced by different priorities.
Very simplistic representation:
You value affirmation over being ignored over getting negative feedback. She probably also values affirmation first, but she prefers negative feedback over being ignored. Feel sorry for her for that, and ignore her. That's the last thing she wants.> If I hate someone, and unfortunately I have, I withdraw from and ignore that person. I do not try to make their lives miserable. I just plain don't want to be around them.
Different priorities. Otherwise, the same as her.
> Now let's complicate this further, and maybe she genuinely likes me. If she does, why would she want to annoy me?I think she has shown some preference to interacting with you. Whether it is like is irrelevant. You feed her needs somehow. If you can figure out how to starve her, she'll "feed" somewhere else.
> What's going on here? I can do the *no emotion* calm thing when speaking to her. But I'd like to understand more about why she's trying to get negative attention in the first place.I hope my explanation makes sense to you.
> And thanks for the websites....I'm going to take a look at them now.
>
> SusanL8r,
Lar
poster:Larry Hoover
thread:271851
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/273055.html