Posted by kara lynne on October 22, 2003, at 14:37:58
In reply to Re: I really need help on this.. » Larry Hoover, posted by Susan J on October 22, 2003, at 12:39:11
-You may want to rehearse some of the recurrent scenarios, and possible effective responses. For example, when she overhears and comments on private telephone conversations, you might ask your telephone partner to hold on, take the telephone away from your ear, look her straight in the eye, and in a level voice, state a fact. "This is none of your business." Repeat as often as needed.-
I like it!
Oh dear Susan, I swear That Person has been in my life. I think she's in everyone's life, put there to test us in oh so many ways. It always amazes me that someone like that doesn't get the point, almost forcing you to be uncomfortably assertive. Unfortuntely even that doesn't work sometimes, when you finally get there.
She did violate your boundaries--and of course pointed the finger at you. People who don't have boundaries do that. I think you are 100% right not to share anything of a personal nature with her again. It's unfortunate that your boss isn't hearing you about her-- I guess that means you have to take it up another notch yourself. It seems to me it might be easier to approach things as they come up, but I know it can be difficult to come up with an appropriate response in the moment. I think Larry's idea to rehearse possible responses is a good one, and you can always go think about it for awhile and come back and sit her down to talk about it when you're clearer.
As usual, I'm one to talk. I still can't get myself to confront my next door neighbors and beg them to smoke in a different area so it doesn't come through my windows. Dealing with things--ugh!
You have my heartfelt sympathy.
poster:kara lynne
thread:271851
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031020/msgs/271944.html