Posted by octopusprime on September 15, 2003, at 22:32:15
In reply to Helpful hints for stopping self-torture?, posted by kara lynne on September 15, 2003, at 21:32:01
kara lynne -
I don't know if this is helpful or not, please feel free to ignore it.
I read somewhere that it might be easier if an ex died instead of left.
So you could consider him dead to you. There's no telephone calls to the dead. There's nowhere to send the letters. Anything communication takes place solely through prayer and letters to yourself.
And you could have a funeral. Bury his things. Heck, bury a dummy that looks just like him, and stick it in a casket. Have a ritual closure where you write the eulogy and send him off. Cry with your friends around to hold your hand.
And after that point, he is functionally dead (as far as you are concerned), leaving you only with memories.
I have never tried this, but I wonder if it would work. Secretly it has some appeal. I am a big fan of rituals in closure, whether it is burning pictures or chanting or throwing rocks or whatever. After a burial you can't go back. And whenever you get to wondering about where he is and what he was doing, you put the pictures of the burial and "death" of him in your mind. He's dead to you.
If death is too much, maybe some other closure ritual? I think ritualizing helps. Gives the mind a focus.
poster:octopusprime
thread:260451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/260482.html