Posted by Tabitha on August 12, 2003, at 12:08:53
In reply to Rewrite with medhead » lostsailor, posted by Kar on August 12, 2003, at 10:56:17
y'all are so terrific. After I posted this I was afraid folks would hate me for abandoning the depressed guy at his time of need. Instead you've all given me such supportive & balanced perspectives.
Dinah, I only wish he had a therapist. He still relies on his ex-wife a lot for support I think. I've been secretly hoping he'll turn to her more. He has phone support friends too, but I think they're kind of inconsistent.
Yeah, if his meds work, it may get better. But judging from my own experience it took me 10 years of therapy on top of meds to get over that kind of stuff. So I'm not holding my breath.
Someone (Kar?) asked about me reassuring him he's attractive. Well... when he's acting out all the neediness, he's not attractive. But up til then, he was still looking pretty cute to me.
Falls, your comment about how if I have resentment the friendship won't be a good idea kind of irked me at first. Unfortunately it's so common-sense and true. Thing is, I think he and I both have resentment toward each other, which is why we fought so much. Maybe we're still stuck trying to change or punish the other person for being who/where they are, and for not QUITE being what we both want in a partner.
Regarding the Harry/Sally idea, at one point I made a decision to stop having these pseudo-friendships with men, where I just want frienship, and they're wanting more. I'd had bad experiences with that setup. I'm a little more open to it nowdays. I have one friend, I know he's attracted to me and yes he wants to sleep with me, but I'm not attracted to him (he's in his 70s, it just doesn't work for me, though he manages to date plenty of women my age). Sounds like a bad setup, but it's been a pretty good friendship. This guy seems to have the maturity to be able to stay in 'friend' mode and not be pining for me, or pressuring me. When I'm with him it feels like a really warm friendship based on mutual enjoyment. So... I've decided it just depends on the situation. But nothing feels worse than that kind of friendship where you know you're hurting the guy, because he's pining for you, or worse, he keeps pressuring you for more, and you feel guilty for not wanting him that way. Yuck.
poster:Tabitha
thread:250141
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030808/msgs/250247.html