Posted by CherC68 on August 9, 2003, at 16:12:09
In reply to Re: Effexor club » willie, posted by KimberlyDi on August 6, 2003, at 11:54:37
Dear Kimberly,
I understand what you mean. I have never stuck with a single thing in my life. Friends, men, jobs, clubs.
The Effexor Club - Ya Ya Sisterhood or the "Mighty Seven" as we call ourselves would be great as the Mighty Eight or Nine with you and Willie, but its so understood.
If there was a way we could have this kind of posting but have it only by "invite only" - we would do it.
I am down to 2 emails right now, but at one point had 100 emails. We are now working out the details, because some of the girls work and some don't.
Sometimes, we do feel some pressure because we don't want to miss an important email and with over 100 sometimes to go through if you miss a day, it's overwhelming.
But, right now, it is worth it. 100%. We are now working out details for the subject line - if there is something that needs to be heard asap - and if it's just a comment or a suggestion.
I cannot believe that we are still at it though, and each one of us has progressed so much. My suicidal thoughts are so far in the back of my head now. Last week, I didn't think I would be here today, and actually it wasn't suicidal thoughts, it was the past being relived through my mind to their minds, and just in the telling - made me more at peace than anything.
The following is an excerpt of a recent email I sent to the Magnificent Seven - "Effexor Club" Ladies:
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"I will be honest here though. I too felt overwhelmed when last week I had over 100 emails. I was nervous and I thought I'd never get through them. I did. I would wake up and see I still had 81 or 90 after I know for a fact I read at least 40 the day before.Not everything has to be commented upon, the way I did it was pick one person and read their emails.
That started not working for me because I was so afraid someone was going to be so damn sad or something would be wrong with someone and I would miss it.
I just took my time. Sometimes we get busy, like you did and you were gone for a few days and XXXXXXX will be gone for a few days. Also, my hands hurt, and WE ALL HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO.
Nobody, NOT ONE PERSON IN THIS GROUP. Expects everyone to sit here, and spend our entire day reading emails.
I was so anxious and I've never finished anything EVER IN MY LIFE - That is Borderline Personality. If you ever get a chance to read on Borderline you will see this. I AM A QUITTER. I quit everything. I get bored easily.
I was afraid I was going to quit the group because it was becoming more depressing because I was afraid of failing to respond correctly to someone's email. I was afraid I would miss someone's point. I was afriad of saying the wrong thing - or that I could not catch up.
I was afraid that I would be taking more from you all that I gave. This was my biggest fear.
You all became almost a burden on my soul because I thought I WOULD FAIL YOU ALL so miserably, that I thought I should quit the group - and write you all a small but polite email, saying I cannot continue with this group.
HOW HORRIBLE OF ME!
I need you all very much, and there may be days when I'm tense because I have so much to do and I cannot even open my bills let alone pay them, but I will stick it out here. I will be here always for you all.
Please don't feel sad xxxxxx. I really hope that I am the only person that feels this way, cause it sucks. But, with all of your help, I've reached so many milestones. I'm making it, with all your help, and I am not going anywhere.
There may be a day or two you don't hear from me - because like xxxxxxx - I may get sick, there may be times I'm on vacation. It's gonna happen, but I will be back.
Also, like with xxxxxx, I could say nothing of comfort and felt overwhelmed because I felt like I was failing her because her pain was a bit too much for me to take and I wept.
I love you guys. Please don't be overwhelmed or Sad xXXXX.
Everyone, please know I'm here and I wanted to be honest about my feelings. I love you all, but want you to know that I too get overwhelmed and there should be NO PRESSURE reading emails - but yet - my subject header is READ THIS FIRST lol - oh well. I'm an oxymoron or is it just Moron?
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Willie & KimberlyDi,This is the best support group I have ever had in my entire life. We are all so beautiful and unique and loving. I'm the hard a** of the group, but man I do sound mushy sometimes,
I am shocked on how many similar experiences and how many unfamiliar experiences we have all had and how much we have grown, but we are willing to share with you guys if you ever need us. It's working for us.
I do owe a thanks to Dr. Bob (and Effexor & Google) because I think that's how we all arrived at Babble.
I just don't like the fact that I can be monitored or censored.
I don't like the fact that someone who may personally know me may stumble upon Babble and read personal things about me - whether it be my neighbor and enemy a past-present-future boss.
Thank you for writing Kimberly, and like I told Willie - I will check back with the postings here.
Big Hugs,
Cher
poster:CherC68
thread:244989
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030808/msgs/249597.html