Posted by KimberlyDi on August 1, 2003, at 8:37:30
In reply to Why can't I cry?, posted by catachrest on July 31, 2003, at 15:21:42
<copied from an earlier post of mine. it applies. my, i'm getting lazy.>
Have you forgotten how to cry? I have. Oh, I'm improving. Angry or hurt tears can squeeze out of my eyes, almost with me unaware of it. But those gut-wrenching sobs, when you give up CONTROL of your emotions and just feel... I can't do it. It's like I locked the door and threw away the key.
>
My husband ran over my cat, my special cat. The one abandoned by its mom and I had to hand feed. So scrawny & fearless with tiny legs/paws smaller than my pinky finger. She would stand by my feet, barely taller than my shoes, and meow at me to pick her up. Demanding. Imperial. Adoring. Full grown, she was half the size of a normal cat. My mini-meow. ANYWAYS, when he ran over her I felt nothing. My heart was frozen. I was also numb from side effects from Effexor.
I should have been hurt. I should have grieved for her. I was too successful in protecting my heart years ago. I don't know how to undo the damage that I did back then.Wish you luck,
KDi in Texas> I'm getting really freaked out here. Why can't I cry? I get these huge upwellings of sadness, and feel wretched like I should be crying, and I want to cry, but I just sit there like a stone. The closest I can get is breathing a little differently, and a little moistening in my eyes. I feel like I would feel better, if only I could have a good cry. I find myself even at work, trying to make myself cry just for the catharsis, though it still doesn't work.
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> I hate this! I feel like I'm just plugged, stopped from all movement in any direction, emotionally, like I'm in stasis or something....Sigh. Nothing ever changes.
>
> Susan
poster:KimberlyDi
thread:247089
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030727/msgs/247304.html